Today, is my little brother’s birthday.

We don’t talk anymore and I haven’t even tried to message him because I’m sure he has me blocked anyway.

He’s the type who doesn’t want to hear the truth, and if you’re not agreeing with him or he thinks you’re trying to tell him how to live his life when you’re really trying to give some wisdom – he’ll distance himself from you, and that’s what he did to me.

He didn’t like the fact that I told him the truth, didn’t sugar coat anything, and he didn’t like that I told him what he needed to hear, rather than what he wanted to hear.

We haven’t talked in months now and honestly, I’m okay with that.

I love him dearly and I wish him nothing but the best, but maybe it’s better this way.

Still, on his birthday – I wanted to share some of the funniest, wildest, goofiest memories that I will always love and cherish, and that still make me smile when I think about them. 😊

The Christmas gift war (safe) gone wrong:

Every Christmas, we’d get each other regular gifts, but then we did our Christmas gift wars.

We would wrap funny gifts in tons of wrapping paper, loads of tape, zip ties, etc. to make the gift hard to open, and whoever’s gift took the longest or was the hardest to open – that’s who won the Christmas gift wars.

It was just between him and I, and our mother called us both “idiots”. We had a lot of fun for years – doing this.

Many years back, I brought him this safe and I had a cute keychain inside for him. He had to open the safe to get it to, and I was the only one who had the combination to the safe.

I told him “Good luck” opening it, and I sat there talking to family while he tried.

When I looked at him 5 minutes later, he held the safe up and showed me it was open already.

I was surprised and asked him how the hell he got it open so fast and without the combination.

He smiled and told me, “I’ve been in the military for years! You’d be surprised what I can do or open without a code, a combination or key to a lock”. 😶🤣

In my defense – that was a cheap safe from FIVE BELOW, so maybe they all have the same combination. Who knows?!

“SAY WHAT NOW?”

Another Christmas – he was wearing THESE light-up jammies when I walked in, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Our dad was in the hospital that Christmas and he said he was going to see him in these jammies.

I asked if he was serious, and he sure was! ha.

This photo above though – was when my oldest child was still alive, and her and her girlfriend at the time – were sitting next to my brother – talking about sex and the things they were going to do or try when they got back to Minnesota.

My brother was watching T.V. but when he heard them talking, he looked at them just like that – and says, “Say what now? Alright, there are just some things you can talk about when you get back to Minnesota, and not while you’re sitting next to me. I don’t want to hear that ssssshhhhhiiiiitttttt!”.

We laughed so much that night. 💕

*****

“Her escort. Her hero“

One night I’ll never forget – is the night my oldest daughter competed in the National American Miss pageant, and she needed a male to escort her on stage and off – during the evening gown part.

She was asked who she wanted to escort her and right away, she said: “Uncle Tim”.

She was so happy and he was more than happy to do so.

She didn’t win, but at the end of the night, he ended up getting her a teddy bear and told her that she’d always win HIS HEART. 🤗 She named him, “Berry Bear”, and had him all the way up until the day she passed.

Today, Berry Bear is in my “Jordan bin” with all of her other things I kept since her passing. 🥺

I wish we could go back to this night.

On to funnier memories though…………

One of my favorite memories – will always be the time he took me to a part of Wisconsin 7 hours from where I lived back home in IL. – to get a Husky puppy my now ex-husband wanted.

“Puppy gives my brother a dose of Karma”.

So, he had picked me up that morning and we were driving to this part of Wisconsin that I never even heard of. I don’t even remember where it was. Still, I had no idea that it was so far from where I lived.

I just knew the lady had Husky puppies for sale, my husband at the time wanted one, and I wanted to surprise him because it was SWEETEST DAY. I had just gotten paid, and my brother loved our long car rides together, so he didn’t mind.

That same day, Wisconsin was getting a bunch of tornado watches and warnings, the sky was changing colors as it rained, and the clouds were getting lower. We stopped at McDonalds halfway there to eat, but I couldn’t eat.

I was so nervous.

He kept joking – saying he saw one forming, and I believed it every time he did it.

Thankfully, nothing happened and we got there safely, picked a puppy, and headed back.

On the way back, the puppy was sleeping on my lap, got up all of a sudden, and walked over to my brother’s lap. He thought the puppy was going to lay down, and the puppy ended up squatting, and pooping all over my brother pants, his side of the door area, and on the floor of the driver’s side.

All I heard was, “REALLY DOG? REALLY? ON MY SIDE?”.

I couldn’t stop laughing, but my brother was such a good sport about it, and he looked at me smirking.

He wasn’t even mad. He just told me he was pulling into the next gas station and he told me, “You’re helping me clean this mess up”. I laughed harder and told him that was Karma for teasing me about those tornados earlier in the day. 😁

Before we stopped talking, I still used to tease him about all of these memories I’m writing about tonight.

*****

“Pretty sure you can hear him from way back there!”

My brother and I used to work at an Auto glass / Insurance company together.

We took calls for insurance / glass claims, connected people to glass shop companies who worked with us, and made sure they got their repairs or replacements on time. I was part of the collections department as well, so I worked double and made sure we got the payments in – when work was done.

It was small office when the owner of the company started it, and back then – it was just 7 of us in this little office. The CEO and the two supervisors were on the other side.

Of course, like any co-workers, we had small issues here and there, but we always got over it.

However – my brother and this one girl that I’ll call “Aly” – they hated each other. HATED.

Big time.

They were always arguing about something.

So, one night – it was just myself, my brother, Aly and this other guy that I’ll call Jake.

Everyone else had gone home for the night, but we stayed late.

It was boring. There was nothing going on, so I was working on a claim I had earlier in the day – that I couldn’t figure out. I was sitting at my desk looking at my computer – when a pen flew past my face.

I looked at Jake, and he was looking at his computer, but he was smiling. So, I knew it was him.

I grabbed a marker and threw that at him. We kept throwing different things back and forth – until about 7 PM when we got slammed! Calls started coming in. We started getting claims on the fax machine. We were getting emails and our computers were digging, and we got to work.

Our phones kept ringing and we were taking call after call, but – Aly – her phone would ring, and then stop. This happened a few times and it wasn’t because she was answering the calls. So, when things slowed down, Jake waited until her phone rang again – and he tip-toed over to her desk.

He watched her pick up the phone and gently – quietly place it down, so the call came to one of us instead, and that’s what she had been doing once we got slammed. She wasn’t taking calls. She was making sure she sent them our way – without us knowing.

Jake caught her though, and he yelled at her. She was on some game she was playing online instead, and he had a fit.

She ended up yelling back at him and told him to worry about why he and I were playing around – instead of working on claims we need to finish. I got up to defend myself and to tell her that as soon as calls started coming in and we started getting slammed, we started taking our calls and doing what we needed to. I told her the important thing – is that when we need to get to work, we get there.

She replied with, “I was talking to Jake, not you! Sit down, B****!”.

As soon as that word came out of her mouth, my brother jumped up and screamed so loud. All I heard him say was, “Don’t call my sister a b****!”, as he and Jake both got into it with her.

The next day when we came in, Jake was told the managers wanted to see him in the conference room. I joked that he was in trouble because if they called one of us to the back room, it was for something little or petty, but if you called into the conference room, it was serious!

Aly was already in there with the managers. She emailed them all the night before – to tell them what happened, but I’m sure she left out the part where she was playing games and dissing phone calls.

Her and Jake talked, Jake told his side of the story, and they ended up apologizing to each other. Jake came out and told me that they wanted me in there next.

I went in, we talked and everything was fine. We apologized to each other, and she took her responsibility for the night before, and that was that. They asked me to send my brother in.

My brother went in, closed the door – and this teenager that I’ll call (Marcus) ran to the door to listen.

He knew my brother hated Aly, and he knew my brother wasn’t going to be quiet about anything.

I told Marcus, “Pretty sure you can hear him from way back there!”. Marcus sat in the back, and the conference room was in front of the building. My brother was yelling so loud. Aly was yelling so loud. The entire office heard them – no matter where we were sitting. We looked back at the supervisor who sat with us in the office, and he had his head down – laughing. lol.

They were told not to talk to each other if they didn’t have to.

****

“THE FAKE BUSINESS TRIP”

This is another one of my favorite memories.

My brother once lived in a basement apartment where the window faced the parking lot, and you could easily see inside of his place – if he had his blinds open – which he usually did.

My brother was a player back then, and he was always getting caught.

One night at a club he used to D.J. at, he met a girl I’ll call Leslie. They started dating.

He realized he wasn’t really into Leslie, but instead of telling her the truth, he kept dodging her, making excuses why he couldn’t see her, and not answering her calls – but he’d answer her text messages. So, one day – she asked if she could come by. He said he was going on a business trip with our work managers, and that he had to be at the airport early in the morning, so he was going to get some sleep.

Leslie asked if she could take him to the airport, so they could spend some time together before he left.

He lied and said he was taking his car and leaving it at the airport, because it would be easier for when he gets back. She told him to let her know when he’s back, and he said “okay”. Meanwhile, he met another girl that I’ll call “Amanda”, and he started dating her. He really liked Amanda, and he knew he had to end things with Leslie, but he didn’t know how.

The next morning, Leslie messaged him and asked if she could stop by to see him before he leaves. He said he was already gone. She then asked him why his car was still in his parking lot, and said she thought he was taking it.

That should have told the dummy that this girl was at his house or passed it looking for him – if she knew his car was still there, but he doesn’t think. 🤣 He ended up lying more and telling her his friend from work picked him up and they went to the airport together.

He had no idea that Leslie and a few of her friends – were standing in the parking lot looking straight into his apartment – watching him play catch with his dog, make himself some food, watch T.V. and whatever else he was doing in that time. He also had no idea that Leslie and this other girl Amanda were friends and found out about each other. So, while he lied to Leslie – Amanda called him and asked if she could see him.

She said she was outside. He went outside – and they both confronted him right there.

He was caught.

This was back in the MYSPACE days, and I was his number 1 on his top 8. So, that’s how they knew who I was. One of their friends messaged me and told me what an A-hole my brother is, and when they told me what happened, I laughed so hard and called him.

I told him if he was going to lie to people, the least he could do is put his blinds down and close them.

He told me to ignore them. I teased him and told him this is one memory I’d never let him live down.

Our Uncle Tony was a big-time player, and my mom used to say my brother was just like my uncle.

I always disagreed with her because my uncle didn’t get caught until the day of his funeral (that’s another story) for another day, but my brother was always getting caught.

****

“The “WA-WA” wine glass”.

We were at our parents’ house one day for some reason.

I think it may have been just a Sunday / after church dinner with family.

I was talking to my mother and venting about some things going on in my life, and she was venting about her own things to me. We were just having a normal gal’s chat, and throwing our complaints out there, and when I looked at my brother – he was holding this huge wine glass.

He made me laugh so much and I almost choked on the water I was drinking – when he says, “You need the WA-WA wine glass. Made for major life problems and everything Chee!”.

He always called me CHEE. That was his nickname for me. 💕

THE PATCH.

This dude did his time in the Army, and he once went to surprise my kids at school when he came back from deployment. This was so long ago, and we were still living in Chicago, so we had to get passes for him to go to their classes.

As we sat in the office waiting for the principal, he was in uniform and I asked him what his patch meant.

,

His reply?

“I’M SEXY AS F***!”. 🤣 🙄

He’s always had a sense of humor. We both do.

CLUB DAYS:

He used to D.J. for two different night clubs in the suburbs of Chicago when we were in our 20’s.

This photo below………..

…..made me laugh so much because I remember seeing him and asking him where the RODEO was.

He said he was going to the club, and I joked about his outfit – asking him if his horse was parked in the yard. He told me, “Shut up and come with me!”.

One night when I did go with him, the bouncer wanted to know who I was. He tried flirting and asked my brother if he should “initiate me”. My brother warned him not to do it. He told this guy, “No dude! My sister is NOT the one to do that to!”. I had no idea what they were talking about – until this bouncer slapped me on the ass.

😶

When I tell you my hand automatically went back and I hit him in the stomach – I sure the heck did.

He grabbed his chest, and yelled, “Yo! That hurt! What the hell?”. My brother laughed and told him, “I warned you she wasn’t the one!”. I found out from my brother – that he had a handful of women who came in there and didn’t mind the bouncer slapping their asses. My brother’s right – I wasn’t one of them. ha. He was big a dude. He was okay. I promise.

Here – I asked him for a screenshot of something – and this is what the goofy did! lol.

The day he left for deployment I believe it was.

We were in Missouri to send the soldiers off with love. 💕

The time he was supposed to be hanging Christmas ornaments for our mother, and he realized he knew how to color coordinate. 😶🙄🤣

THE HANGMAN STORY:

This just popped into my mind, so let me jot it down.

We were in church one Sunday because my mom was big on church and expected us to go, especially on holidays. So, this one time we were there – in our 20’s – my brother grabbed the church bulletin, and instead of following along, I looked over at him – drawing the hangman game.

He did the lines on the paper, and wrote:

“WANNA PLAY?”.

It was the middle of the sermon, so everyone was quiet, and I started laughing.

I tried so hard not to laugh out loud, but you could hear me. My mother was so mad.

She looked over at me and then at my brother, and mouthed, “CUT IT OUT!”.

They say laughing when you’re not supposed to be – is some of the best laughing you will ever do, and I can’t say I disagree with that.

My brother held up the hangman on the bulletin, and my mom covered her mouth.

SHE was trying not to laugh, but we could see her starting to, and soon – we were all laughing.

It was bad.

We’re bad. I know.

I wish I could have those times back.

I truly do.

Our mother asked him to go grab some milk while we were over there one day for one of our family dinners.

He came back with three different kinds.

When I asked why, he replied with:

“I’m conducting a milk survey!”. 🤣

He said our parents weren’t answering, he didn’t know which one they wanted, so he brought three different ones.

Makes sense.

I remember him coming to see me in the hospital when I had my youngest son.

He was so scared to hold him, and when I took this photo, he walked over to me and told me, “Take it back before it spits up or something”. Truthfully, I knew he was scared. 💕I laughed and reminded him that my kid is a “him” and not an “it”.

The drunk driver:

This night was not that funny and I’m so grateful we lived to talk about it.

The cops – the EMS – they were all surprised that my brother, myself, his friend and mine – all got out of his car with only a few scratches and bruising.

We were headed to the lake – downtown Chicago one summer night many years back, and my brother was driving. He stopped at a red light, and I was looking for my lip gloss in my purse. I had my head down, and we were all talking and laughing over the loud music – until – a car flew across the intersection and slammed into us.

The guy who hit us – started pulling backwards and I made sure everyone was okay before I jumped out and jumped into HIS car. My brother didn’t hear me, so he didn’t know if I was good or not, but when he turned around – he said he saw my legs sticking out of that other car’s driver side door.

I was trying to get him to give me the keys, so he couldn’t leave the scene.

His car reeked of alcohol, and I knew he had been drinking.

The only thing funny about that night – that I remember – was that when everyone was in a parking lot talking to the cops and EMS, I was holding a little girl.

I have no idea who she was. She belonged to the guy who hit my brother’s car, and when his wife was put into the ambulance for alcohol poisoning – passed out – the guy handed me his kid and jumped into the ambulance with her.

My brother walked over to me, looked at me confused and yelled, “You’re stealing kids at car accidents, now?”. We both laughed so hard, and we needed it after that night.

He’ll still joke about it if someone talks about that night, and he’ll tell you how he thought I was hurt, but he turned around and I was out of the car faster than he could blink, and sticking out of the other guy’s car trying to grab his keys. My brother will laugh about it now, but it was scary.

So please – don’t ever drink and drive.

We did laugh when another car flew by so fast and went down the block, and the tow truck driver just randomly said, “Who the hell was that?”. One of the cops replied, “Your next call!”.

Please drive safely.

That night could have been so much worse, but I’m glad we can laugh at certain things about it now, and we’re here to talk about it.

****

THE RUNAWAY RIM:

This will be the last one because while I have so many great memories and stories – It’s late and I can’t think right now.

This one popped into my mind and I’m sitting here laughing as I write it.

So, we went cruising one day. If you had nothing to do and the weather was nice in Chicago – you went cruising. Nowhere to go, but driving around to see who is out, and what’s going on.

It was my brother driving, his best friend Tony in the passenger seat, me and my friend Julie in the back.

The music was blasting, and all of a sudden – we hit a big pothole, and we hear my brother yell, “DAMMIT! F***! SHIT! DAMN!”. All kinds of curse words.

He pulls over and gets out of the car, and we look and see one of his rims rolling down the street.

Julie and I are in the back laughing so hard, we’re in tears. He looked at both of us and gave us both the middle finger, as he closed his door and we laughed even harder when we saw him chasing his rim down the street. It kept going. He kept going. 🤣

As soon as he closed the door – the song “IT’S SO HARD” by BIG PUN was on the radio, and the part where he says, “Spun the U-ey, lost a hubcap” – played. When Tony laughed with us and said he didn’t want to laugh in front of my brother – the tears from laughing so hard were amazing. lol.

Those were good times.

So, even if we’re not talking anymore – I remember every little funny, goofy memory and we do have so many memory I can’t think of right now – that I’ll forever cherish no matter what.

Happy birthday to my little brother, and I thank him for all the good times and the good laughs growing up and way into our adult years.

Goodnight loves.

💕Shel💕