Occasionally, I’ll watch a movie that will make me cry.

Tonight, when I came home from work – my daughter said she had a movie to show me.

We sat down after I made pizza, and she showed me:

While some movies make me cry a bit – this one had me straight up bawling my eyes out!

I was in tears!

It’s a true story about a dog who refused to give up, and it shows loyalty, lessons in loss and grief.

My heart broke so much in this movie, and it was such a great one.

If you haven’t seen it yet, I totally recommend checking it out, but be prepared and have some tissues handy. Oy. I’m still thinking about the movie, and to think that it’s a true story – breaks my heart even more. 💔

Anyway –

Let me move on to funnier and happier things because I’m a mess right now after watching this. lol.

I worked this weekend, and you all know Daisy, right?

If you follow along with my posts, you’ll know she’s this little itty-bitty-elderly woman that lives in the facility I work in. She is funny as hell when she’s sober, but when she’s been drinking – she’s a little firecracker, and she’s after everybody!

If you’re in the path of her little “attitude tornado” as I call it now – she’s going to get you!

Yesterday, she was beyond drunk, and it wasn’t even 9 AM yet – I hadn’t even had a full cup of coffee yet – and she was screaming from her side of the building – at another resident on the other side. She was running her mouth, trying to start problems, and going off on this other tenant / resident.

Thankfully – this other resident walked away and didn’t say anything to her.

A while later, Daisy was outside with a few other tenants / residents, and as I was chatting with another tenant / resident, I heard yelling outside. I threw my head back; rolled my eyes and already know it was Daisy yelling at someone else now. The lady she was yelling at – came inside to avoid problems, and I went outside – as Daisy continued to yell, because she was mad that she was in the other lady’s face, and the lady walked inside.

I went out there because we all know I match energies.

These aren’t kids. These are grown adults who get drunk and goofy, and don’t know how to act when they’ve been drinking, so when I got outside – I joked with Daisy and told her if she wants to fight with someone – stand up and fight me.

I was trying to lighten the mood.

She got tough and told me, “I’ll kick your ass!”.

Daisy loves me. I’m not worried about her.

I told her to stand up and let me see it.

I put my fist up.

She stood up and put hers up and almost slipped on ice under the bench she had been sitting on. I told her to sit her ass down before she slips and blames me for it. She wants to fight and can’t even stand up to do it. She joked that she was going to kick me, and I stepped back and told her she would have to reach me – to kick me, and she’s too short for that.

She went on a full rant about the lady who had just walked inside, about the director of the facility I work in, about so many other things that I just let her vent about – because with Daisy – that’s what you have to let her do when she’s been drinking. You just have to let her get it all out, and you know what?

I have learned that Daisy is angry, hurt, emotionally and mentally drained, heartbroken for many different reasons and things she’s been through in her life. Daisy cries a lot when I talk to her. When I really sit down and talk to her whenever she’s on her little rants – she pours her heart out to me.

That’s one of the reasons she loves me. I let her vent. I let her pour her heart out. I joke with her to make her laugh and calm her down. I take the time to hug her, and let her know I’m there for her, and she feels like some of the other staff – could care less and just want to see her leave. They don’t want to take the time to find out what’s going on in her mind or in her heart. They just see a little old troublemaker.

I’ve gotten close to Daisy, and she makes me laugh – even when she’s being a pain in my ass.

So, yesterday (Saturday) when I was working and she went off on a tenant / resident on the other side, and then another one outside and I broke up both of those arguments with other women she had issues with, I asked her to please just behave the rest of the day. She was intoxicated, and I already knew what kind of day it was about to be.

My son was working with me yesterday and at one point, I had just come into the office from doing something I needed to do, and he told me that Daisy promised him she was going back to her room, but she just got on the elevator. We knew what that meant, because she was then angry at this tenant / resident on the 2nd floor – for bringing in guests that Daisy says “messed with my family” – as she told me.

She wanted to go upstairs, knock on this other tenant’s door, and start trouble.

Daisy’s room is on the 1st floor, so we knew what was about to happen.

I grabbed my walkie – ran out of the office door and down the hall and jumped into the elevator right before the doors closed.

Imagine Daisy’s surprise when she had her head down, and I jumped in there and yelled, “Surprise!”. 😂

She turned and looked at me, rolled her eyes and her words were, “Oh, what the hell?”.

I asked where she was going.

She named a guy upstairs – that I knew damn well she wasn’t going to see because she knew damn well – that he left a few hours earlier. We both knew where she was headed, so I told her I’d come upstairs with her and she could pretend she was going to see the guy we both know left earlier that day, but we both know who she was really going upstairs to bother.

She started screaming at me and accusing me of protecting “that white woman!”.

Daisy is Native. I told her I protect all women, and I’d protect her as well if someone was messing with her. She just kept yelling and I kept joking around with her to calm her down.

We walked down the hall – right by the guy’s room where she claimed she was going, and as soon as we got in front of the door I knew she was really looking for, I blocked it. She tried to go around me and knock, and I just stood there, so she couldn’t. She asked if I wanted her to throw me down the stairs, and I giggled and told her, “You know…. that’s the 2nd time in the last few weeks you’ve threatened that and I’m still not scared!”.

We stood there for a bit while she tried to get me out of her way, and I tried different ways to get her to come back downstairs with me. We’ve played this game before and she knows I’m not going back downstairs without her, especially when I know why she’s upstairs and looking for someone.

She eventually came back downstairs with me, and sat in the lobby, crying about different things she’s feeling and telling me how much she loves and appreciates my son and I – because she feels like we’re the only staff – (other than two others) – who really give a damn about her. She said the others – don’t give a shit, and she feels that.

I gave her a hug, and she cried in my arms – and then I sent her back to her room and she actually went.

That wasn’t the end of her.

She came out a few more times yesterday to see what she could get into and start, but I handled it every time.

Today – she was better. She didn’t cause as many issues as she did yesterday, but she was still a bit tipsy and still her little firecracker self.

I had to laugh when she called down to the office at the end of my shift – as I was about to leave and said she heard I called her a “ho”. I started laughing because I knew she was trying to start something, but I also knew she was joking around. I told her I could never think that and that she’s too old to be out there even thinking about being a “ho”, so we both laughed. I laughed even more when she asked if I wanted her to teach me how to be a “ho”. I told her I’m too old to be out like that.

Her: No, you’re not! I can teach you!

I laughed even more when my son laughed and said, “She’s trying to be your pimp”.

I love her sense of humor and despite how many headaches she gives me when she misbehaves, and I have to chase her around the damn building to prevent fights with her and others – she’s one hell of a good woman and not a lot of people see that, realize it or try to understand where her anger and attitudes come from.

I have so much on my mind right now, and a hell of a lot on my plate that I’m trying to figure out, but any time I go to work – these people that live in this facility – make my days brighter, happier, and bring me so much joy.

The tenants / residents love me and my son, and we love them right back.

They know we’re going to do whatever we can for them.

They know we’re going to use humor and joke around to make them laugh or calm them down.

They know we’re firm and tough when we need to be, but we have big hearts and we’re also going to be there for them, love on them, and listen – if that’s what they need.

❤️

This morning – as soon as I walked in to work – I saw a ball fly by my feet.

One of the guys who live there – kicked it towards me. I kicked it back towards him, he kicked back – and we had a little game of mini-soccer (?) or kickball – whatever you want to call it. ha. I actually enjoyed it and I wasn’t even clocked in yet. 😊I didn’t need to be.

I love going to work, and this is why I enjoy going there – because it’s fun. It’s stressful sometimes, but there’s always something to smile or laugh about.

He’s on Oxygen though, so he made me laugh when the ball rolled under a desk, and he told me that I had to get it because if he got it, he wasn’t getting back up. He laughed. I laughed and I went to grab it, as he walked away and tried to catch his breath.

He’s one of the ones I always jokingly yell at because he’ll want his alcohol portion, but he won’t eat and he knows the rule is – he has to eat something first. So, during lunch today, he looked at the clock and told me, “I guess it’s time to feed the garbage can!”. He knew darn well he was about to throw his food away and at least he was honest about it.

There’s another female tenant / resident there – who will come down early in the mornings when I’m there, and she’ll just sit and have coffee with me. We’ll just chat about anything and everything going on in the facility and laugh – as we share some stories from our younger years, and our high school days – (mine in Chicago and hers here in Minnesota) – or we’ll talk about our families, and so on.

I think a lot of dealing with the facility I work in and the stress and the need to be on high alert all the time – is just knowing their personalities, how to deal with each one in their own ways if something pops off, and having that trust between me and each of them, and that’s what I make sure I have.

I want them to know that they can trust me, and while sometimes I have to be tough, meet them on their levels and match their energies, for the most part – I’m understanding, kind, and do my best to just be there for them because a lot of them – have never had that love and trust in their lives. 💕 A lot of them don’t have people who care.

Still, I’m so grateful that no matter what I have on my mind on any given day – I forget it all when I go to work, and they make me laugh, or I’m trying to de-escalate a situation and make someone else laugh.

I’ve said it before – I do love my job!

I also giggled yesterday when Daisy was on a roll with her little rants, and she told me, “Go ahead and call the cops on me like everyone else does!”. I told her I would never call the cops on her – unless they were hot. She looked at me and yelled, “Those are the worst ones!!!!”. 🤔 🤣 Oh, my little Daisy!

In other news………………….

I have boxes all over my living room because I’ve been packing and trying to decide what I want to sell of give away.

I have literally April and a few weeks in May to find a place and I still haven’t, so my stress is high.

I thought about just telling the landlord we plan to stay for another year, but my older son and I had a talk the other day and we said a lot of our stress and our sadness comes from being so far from home. From family, friends and familiar places. From not having many opportunities out here in Minnesota and being in such a small town – where everything shuts down at dusk!

We laughed when we agreed it would be nice to be closer to or in IL. again – so we have a variety of stores and places to eat – all close together and didn’t have to travel miles for it. Where we have many different hospitals all close by and don’t have to drive hours for different ones. Where everything stays open late or all night long.

Where there’s streetlights and places to go, things to see and do.

So, while I’ve thought about maybe staying here for another year, we talked and we agreed we absolutely should not do that, and it would be bad for our mental health and each other.

I know he misses his friends and being able to go out with people he knows – to places he knows, and I know damn well I miss everyone back home and just feeling free to not have to drive 3 hours to go shopping or see a movie or do something fun.

I want to be somewhere where not everybody knows everybody else and where people know to mind their own business because here – that’s not the case. Everyone is in everyone’s business.

I hate it here.

As much as I thought about it for a bit, I also know that I’m not happy here. My kids aren’t happy here and it’s time to go. Still, the headache of finding a place is weighing on me, and it’s time to get going with the process.

Moving sucks.

The packing. The looking for movers or doing it all on our own. The finding a place and signing a new lease. The unpacking. It’s all a big migraine, but it has to be done and in the next few weeks, I’ll be starting the entire process.

I’d love to sit here and write so much more, but my little dude wants to go to bed, and he likes when I hang out in his room and talk to him until he falls asleep. He’s begging me to go chill with him, so I’m ending it here.

Love you.

💕Shel💕