So, my brother called me last week.

Yes, you read that right. My brother. The one I haven’t talked to in months because he keeps blocking me if he doesn’t like when I tell him the truth about what I think, or what he needs to hear.

I looked at my missed call list and totally ignored his call.

I didn’t plan to talk to him because I’m so tired of him blocking me. Unblocking me. Blocking me. Unblocking me.

It got to the point where I was okay if we never spoke again – if it meant I get to keep my peace and not have to worry about the pettiness that comes with his drama.

However, a few days later – he was texting me.

He misses me. He’s so sorry. He realizes he was being childish. He went on and on about why I should talk to him, including a few jokes along with his texts. He said he blocked me because I kept asking about his new baby that his ex-fiancé had – and he had no answers for me.

I asked him what was going on with court, because he started a court case to see his daughter and he did nothing with it once it was filed, and he met (yet another) new fiancé he has now. I was irritated that he wasn’t even trying to fight for or see his newborn daughter.

Anyway, he and I were talking the other day – (because he’s still family) – and he ended up asking if I remembered a few people we grew up with in – or close to the same neighborhood. I smiled because I remembered many of them, and he told me about the ones he still talks to or has on his Facebook and told me what some of them are up to these days.

He ended up asking if I remember Jayla and Jayden. *Names changed for privacy*.

I absolutely do!

Jayla was one of my good friends when we were teenagers, and I haven’t talked to her since we were in our late 20’s, and I found her on Facebook years and years ago. For some reason, we ended up losing contact again. Her brother Jayden – was such a cutie when we used to hang out as teenagers, and he and I would always flirt.

Jayden gave the best hugs and if I was having a bad day, he’d take me in his arms, squeeze me and wouldn’t let go until I promised him that I was okay.

We were always hanging out with them or at their house when their parents were at work. They had a few other brothers as well.

So, when he asked if I remembered them, I asked if he still talked to them. He said no.

I put my cell phone on speaker and quickly looked up Jayla first. I noticed she hasn’t posted anything for years, but I found her Facebook, and on the random chance that she sees it – I sent her a friend request. I then looked up her brother Jayden and found him right away.

He’s in his late 30’s now, but he’s still so handsome.

I sent him a friend request as well. He accepted it a few hours later.

He messaged me right away and talked to me like no time had passed at all. 🤗

I told him that I was going to ask if he remembers me, but when he started talking – I didn’t need to. He laughed and made me smile when he said, “Of course I remember you! I had the biggest crush on you back then!”.

I read the message like:

Wait a minute!

You never told me that!!!

I admitted that I also had the biggest crush on him, and no. I never told him that because I didn’t know he felt the same way, but we were teenagers. We were so young, and I laugh about all of it now.

We talked on Facebook a few days ago – about our kids, the lives we have now, me earning two Criminal Justice degrees and moving to Minnesota, him still living in IL. and just laughed about the good old times when we all used to hang out and get into trouble.

He said he really misses those days, and so do I!

We had a nice conversation, and it felt good talking to him again – but then – I looked at his Facebook profile, and it said, “Married to”, and had her name attached to it. He asked if I was married. I said no. I told him I’ve been divorced since 2013, and just to see what he would say, I asked if he was married. He was honest and said yes, but they’re having problems.

I didn’t ask any questions because that’s not my business, and truthfully, I was just happy I was able to reconnect with him – as a good, longtime friend of mine from way back.

When I went to look at his other photos on his Facebook page, I realized he deleted me.

Oh.

Ok.

I messaged him and told him he should have just denied the friend request if he was going to delete me, but I don’t think you can send certain people messages unless you are friends on Facebook at first, so I think he did it because of that. Idk.

I did tell him I wish him the best.

He messaged me back and he gave me his cell phone number.

He replied with, “I do want to continue to talk, and keep in touch. I just don’t want my wife seeing you on my Facebook, and I have to sit and explain everything to her. We’re having problems and I don’t need her drama or her asking questions”.

I understood that, and I asked if she was the jealous type. He said, “Yes and no”. I had no idea what that even meant, so I didn’t ask – but I knew that if he had to hide me from his wife – maybe this was one of those chapters in life – that should just stay closed.

If he couldn’t tell her that nothing ever happened between us, we were good friends when we were younger, and we just reconnected – then maybe – it was best that we just said hi to each other, talked about the good old memories, and moved on with our lives. No numbers. No keep in touch. Nothing.

He then asked me to send him a picture, “So I could have something to dream about when I go to bed”. Yep. That’s what he literally said.

I almost wanted to go on the Facebook of his wife, take one of her photos, and send it to him.

Dream about your wife, dude!

I didn’t do that.

Anyone who knows me – knows I don’t come between marriages, and I have morals, dammit! lol.

I told him no.

I felt like him having to hide our friendship from her, and him asking for photos of me – was crossing more lines than I wanted. I was just looking to reconnect with him after all these years, and it would have been nice to see him again one day if he wasn’t married, but the fact is – he is married – with a few kids.

He needed to respect his wife.

He needed to respect me – as just a good friend from the past – who would have loved to stay friends if I didn’t see what his intentions were that night.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again.

If you’re not happy in your marriage, sit your partner down and talk it out. If you feel like it’s just not going to work out – get out of the marriage. I know so many people in unhappy marriages, and instead of leaving – some of them would rather cheat, flirt, lie, hide other people they may be happy with.

I never understood that.

So, I told him I was going to bed, and I had work in the morning – (which wasn’t a lie), and I told him it was nice talking to him – and I closed that chapter of my life – again and for good.

I was a little bothered that he felt the need to hide me.

I was a little sad that he didn’t respect his wife enough to not ask me for a photo (of my ass as well), and that it went the way it did – instead of us laughing and catching up like old times, but – it is what it is, and I’m happy he’s alive, well and doing okay.

That’s the end of it.

No. I won’t be using his number.

Anyway – let me tell you about work!

I giggled when a co-worker of mine told me yesterday – that anytime she talks about people at work – to her boyfriend, she always uses “alias” names, and she laughed when I told her I do the same thing when I’m blogging.

I mean – privacy is key, right?!

Some of you enjoy my work stories and I love telling them.

We have a man I’ll call “Chino”, and I think I talked about him before.

Chino has memory loss from an accident he was in many years ago, but he’s still so funny and wild.

The memory loss is only once-in-a-while, but when he gets it – it hits him bad, and sometimes – things he forgot about will come back out of nowhere.

His girlfriend that I’ll call “Shannon” – passed away last year, and he hasn’t really talked about her since. We all thought he forgot about her – and he probably did.

The other day, I was coming back from down the hall and he was panicking. He asked me where Shannon was and told me he can’t find her.

The facility nurse and I – asked if he meant his girlfriend. He said yes.

I was happy when the facility nurse told him gently, “Chino, she passed last year. Don’t you remember? You went to go see her before she passed”. He seemed so upset to hear that news, but slowly – he did remember.

This job is so much fun, but times like these – break my heart and we do have sad moments at the facility.

Yesterday, I was working and he came downstairs and asked if I had his money card.

I said no. I told him that his case manager would have it. I asked him if he wanted me to call his case manager to come to the front. He said yes. So, I did.

While we were waiting, I asked what he wanted his money card for, and he said he wanted to go to Duluth, MN. He said there’s a homeless shelter out there he wants to stay in for a while, because he wants to see new things and travel the world.

He said he can’t stay in one place for too long, yet – he’s been in this facility for years now and doesn’t recall sometimes. Other times, he can tell you exactly how long he’s been there.

Yesterday, he came downstairs many different times asking who has his money card, despite me telling him it’s the case manager, and despite him talking to the case manager about leaving – many different times.

He’s done this before where he’ll talk about packing, getting his money card and hitching a ride to Duluth, but yesterday – he told me Duluth a few times, then he kept saying Fargo, ND. So, eventually, I joked with him and asked where he’s going for real – because he doesn’t even seem to know.

He insisted he was going to Duluth.

He kept talking about how he “wants to see the world before he dies”. The man is young. He’s super young – so, I told him that and joked that if he wants to see the world, he came come into the office and I’d pull up a map with photos for him. I joked that I would go next door to the antique shop and even buy him a spinning globe to see the world.

One of those old school globes that classrooms used to have. He laughed.

I think the case manager just kind of brushed it off as Chino doing what Chino does …talking about leaving, and he’s right there going nowhere the very next day, forgetting he was even wanting to go.

Still, when Chino talks about leaving, I kind of just joke with him and play into it – knowing most likely – he’ll be there on my next shift, and I’m okay with that. I adore Chino.

He did make me laugh yesterday because he always asks for coffee, I’ll give it to him, and he’ll stand by the front desk and pour sugar – spilling it all over the door counter, leaving it for me to clean up. So, I joked and asked him who was going to make me clean up their mess if he leaves?

He replied, “I know huh? Don’t cry about it!”. lol.

****

Jay-Lee.

My Jay-Lee.

She’s a young girl.

Such a sweetheart, and so very vulnerable, so I try to look out for Jay-lee when I’m at work.

She’s an alcoholic with a lot of health issues.

She gets black-out drunk, stumbles in the facility, or she needs staff to go get her because she’s laying on the ground somewhere outside and others come and alert us.

A few weeks ago, she met my daughter.

I took some important keys home with me and had to go back to bring them in, and my daughter was with me. Jay-lee gave her a big hug when I introduced them, and I told my daughter, “If you get a Jay-Lee hug, you’re special! She doesn’t just hand those out freely!”. My daughter laughed.

My daughter then told me quietly, that Jay-Lee was crying.

I looked at her, and she was.

Jay-Lee said she doesn’t have her kids in her life right now, and that her mother doesn’t really talk to her, so I knew it made her feel some kind of way – meeting my daughter. I felt bad.

I told Jay-Lee, “How about this? This is my baby at home, and when I come to work, you’re my baby here?”. She smiled and joked about me being young, too! She told me, “You can be my big sister!”. That’s what Jay-Lee is to me now. My little sister. She walks around calling me, “Sis”, and I look out for her like she’s my little sis.

This past weekend, Jay-Lee was drunk.

Her boyfriend came and asked if someone could go get her outside because she didn’t want to get up.

My son and I work together on the weekends, so since he’s a bigger guy and he knew he could lift her into the wheelchair, he grabbed the wheelchair and went out to see where she was. He made it back inside with her, and I took her up to her room.

We had a “Come to Jesus” meeting! 🙄

I looked her in the eyes, and told her – “Baby, you can’t do this to yourself anymore! It’s one thing to have a few drinks on the weekend to relax, but it’s a whole other monster you’re messing with – to get blackout drunk and not remember what happened the next day, or to be passed out somewhere where someone might leave you there to be raped, or murdered! You’re playing with fire, little sis!”.

She started crying. She kept telling me, “I know! I know!

I sat there and brought up a few different incidents that have happened in the building and out of it when she’s been so drunk like this before, and how things could have ended up really bad, or did end up bad.

Did I tell her that her kids are going to see her in a casket sooner than later if she keeps this drinking up? I did.

She said their father died a while back, and she didn’t want them to lose their mother.

I told her, “But they’re going to J. You’re not healthy and you’re not making good choices!”.

She was in tears, but she needed to be told reality.

I brought up consequences, and choices.

We talked about all of that, and I told her it has to stop.

She said drinking gives her something to do.

I told her if she wants something to do, call me – and we’ll go hang out, or play pool, or do something constructive. She cried more and told me that everyone is older than her and since she’s so young, she feels pressured to drink, to which – I brought up choices again and how pressure = choices.

How choices = rewards or consequences.

Her uncle is in our facility as well, so she asked if we could find him that day.

We ended up going back down to the lobby and when we got there – her uncle was there.

He was angry and asked why she keeps getting so drunk, but he took her back to his room, so he could watch over her for a few hours.

As much fun as I have working there – as much as I joke around and enjoy some of my interactions with our tenants / residents – we do have those sad moments. Those serious moments. Those times we have to be tough and tell it like it is.

Jay-Lee said she’d like to hang out with me instead of getting drunk, but she doesn’t even have my phone number.

I told her I’d give it to her when she sobers up.

But then – we have those funny moments as well…………..

****

Julian is our newest resident.

He moved in recently, and before that – he came to visit his girlfriend who also lives in the facility, so he would always give me shit (in a good way), and just bother me or joke with me.

He’s pretty cool.

I just found out he was approved to move in a week ago, and he says, “Now I’ll be here to bother you all the time!”. I playfully rolled my eyes, and told him sarcastically, “Oh joy!”.

Yesterday when he moved in – I was about to eat lunch and as I was sitting at the desk, he snuck up on me and scared the hell out of me. I told him from now on, I’m waking him up at 7 AM – on the dot – banging on his door like I’m the police.

I told him I’m going to get on his nerves now.

He laughed and told me, “Don’t do that!”.

Oh no, sir! Fair game now. haha.

No, I wouldn’t do that, but it was funny telling him I would.

******

JoJo.

My JoJo.

We have a woman there who I’ve gotten so close to, and she’ll come down often to chat with me and keep me company.

I’m so proud of Jojo because even when the temptations of this world and being an addict – tempt her to go back, she refuses and she’s been clean for so long now. Jojo is such a strong woman, and I admire her for her strength to keep moving forward and not give in to temptation – no matter what life throws her way.

JoJo makes me feel so bad sometimes, because if I’m leaving – she’ll ask what I’m going to do tonight, what I’m making for dinner, or she’ll say, “Take me with you”. I remember one time I told her we’d have to bring her over for dinner one day, and she took it to the – “Yeah, we’ll have a sleepover party”. 🤣Wait girl – nobody said anything about a sleepover. lol.

She’s awesome though, and I love talking to her.

A few days ago, as I was walking through the parking lot after my shift – and going to my car, she screamed my name out of her 2nd floor window. She yelled, “Take me with you!”. I yelled back, “Come on! Jump out of the window. I’ll sneak you into the car!”.

Jojo always wants to come with me when I’m leaving or tells me she just wants to get out of there for a while, and I know those are her cute little hints for an invitation to go anywhere!

I promised her that when I go to Hobby Lobby to put together something for my daughter I want to give her for graduation – I’d take her with. So, a few days ago, she asked me if I did that thing for my daughter’s graduation yet. I smiled and told her, “No, but I did promise you that when I go – you’re coming with me!”. I then told her that she has to stop me from buying the entire store though, and she made me laugh when she said, “Oh hell! I’ll be shopping with you. You can’t trust me to stop you!”. 😁

Jojo makes me giggle, especially the faces she makes when she sees someone she doesn’t like.

She’ll sit there looking them up and down and I have to pray that Jojo behaves herself, and doesn’t say anything, but she’s usually pretty polite unless someone provokes her.

Truth is…

When I move out of this town and hopefully state – I’m going to miss the hell out of these people and one day – I hope to come back and visit.

Minnesota is a beautiful vacation spot, but not a great place to live if you’re from a bigger city originally.

*****

Moving.

We have two months until we move.

I just ordered more moving boxes, and we’re starting to fully pack up, bring everything to the living room and stacking stuff against walls to prepare.

I know eventually – I’ll have to probably make a list of places I want to go look at, head out to Wisconsin or IL. and make my choice on our new place. I know I’ll have to rent the U-Haul and load it up on that last day that we’re here.

The new owners are more than happy to give me my deposit back the same day we leave – instead of making me wait weeks for it like some have to – when they leave this place.

I’m scared. I’m excited for our new adventure. I’m worried and nervous, and also a little annoyed.

Moving is so stressful, and it was so easy to move to Minnesota, but it seems like it’s such a task to move back.

I think I’ll feel better once we’re in our new place unpacking, and we can finally breath again – knowing we have more job opportunities, we’re close to friends and family, we don’t have to drive miles or hours to see dentists, doctors, or just to do something fun, and – when we’re back near civilization.

These 6 years living in a small town – next to a farm where we can open the windows and hear the cows – has been different, exciting and fun at times – but – there’s not really a lot to do, and there’s been so many times I’ve felt lonely – because we don’t have anyone out here.

4th of July’s – are so hard on me, because in IL. people start shooting of fireworks a week before it.

I miss that!!!!

The day of – they’re shooting off M-80’s at 5 AM – and the fireworks – the BBQs, the fun – it all goes from 5 AM until 3 AM or later – the next day.

Out here in this small town – crickets and frogs. Yep. That’s what we’ve heard on the 4th of July. Crickets and frogs.

It’s so dead out here.

So, while I wasn’t sure if we were going to move or even be able to move – maybe this is God’s way of pushing us to something new, telling us HIS PLANS – and making good things happen.

Life doesn’t go the way we plan it sometimes, and I’ve always been told that we don’t get to do what we want. Sometimes, God has his own plans, and he’ll make life uncomfortable for a little bit – to see if you trust him or not. I do.

The next two months are going to be filled with graduation planning, moving planning, and – a busy schedule.

My loves.

I hope all of you have a beautiful week.

I plan to go have coffee tomorrow morning – with a great friend I made out here a few years ago.

My soul feels “lost” right now, and I have so much on my mind.

I always feel better sitting and talking to her over a cup of coffee, so she asked if we were still on for tomorrow, and absolutely! 💕

💕Shel💕