Missing home.

March 8, 2026 Shel R.1 Comment

So, Tuesday – I got a call from my brother’s ex-wife telling me some heartbreaking news about my oldest nephew.

He’s only 9, but he’s dealing with some things that involve his mental health.

It’s not my business to share everything, so I’m going to leave it at that, but I know that whenever my nephews see Auntie (me) and their cousins (my kids), they get so excited and happy.

So, I decided that we’d leave Minnesota and head to IL. on Wednesday morning – to surprise them. We’d take my oldest nephew out first – while his little brother is in school, and then we’d pick up his brother from school and spend the rest of the day with both of them.

We arrived in IL. Wednesday night, and I was a little skeptical about our hotel because it wasn’t the usual one we’ve stayed at before. Still, I wanted to try something new, and I don’t regret it.

It was a lot better than the one we always stay in.

This one – we had to literally climb onto the beds because they were so high off the floor.

We call my youngest daughter “Mousey” because she’s short and little, so we laughed when she asked how the heck she was supposed to get up onto her bed. She struggled for a few minutes, but she did it! lol.

We laughed even more when her feet couldn’t touch the floor.

Wednesday night was just a chill night.

We ordered food, watched T.V. and knocked out pretty early, since we got there so late.

It felt good to be back home in IL. and I was happy that this hotel was so nice.

We were on the 2nd floor, and right when we stepped outside of our hotel door, we were able to see right over the banister – downstairs to the front desk, so my kids enjoyed the fact that I could stand outside of our hotel room, and watch them go downstairs for snacks in the little hotel store area. I felt better knowing I could see them get their snacks, get on the elevator and wait for them to get off of it – because the elevator was right by the hotel room as well.

Thursday, we were up pretty early to go grab my oldest nephew (T.J.).

He had no idea we were coming, so we stopped at Starbucks (right next door to the hotel), and my kids laughed so much when I was saying “HELLO” to a big menu and a pole – that I thought was the speaker.

When I realized I was saying “HELLO” to this pole, I pulled up to the next menu where the real speaker was.

When we ordered and got our stuff, my drink had this on the cup:

My daughter thinks they heard me yelling HELLO to the pole, and this was making fun of me. 🤣

To that I say – WHAT-EV-ER! ha.

We grabbed my nephew.

His mom told him she had to run something downstairs and brought him with. When he saw us – his face lit up so much, and he literally RAN to us and jumped into my arms. ❤️

We talked for a few seconds, before his mom and I talked, and I asked if he wanted to come hang out with us. He smiled so big and said yes.

We stopped for breakfast at IHOP. I miss IHOP. We don’t have that here in our neck of the woods (Minnesota). It may be in the bigger cities’ – hours away, but not where we are. So, we went to IHOP, and I had to take a photo of a sign that said, “REACHING ACROSS THE TABLE IS PERMITTED”.

I told my daughter they must have put that up for her – because she’ll order her own food and then reach over the table to dig into other people’s food. I told her one day – she’s going to get on her future boyfriends’ nerves. 😁 She had ordered Chocolate Chip pancakes once when we went out to eat, and she was eating my Biscuits and Gravy instead.

After we had breakfast, my daughter wanted to go to TOYS R’ US that just opened in the mall across the street.

I miss that mall! I love Harlem / Irving Plaza (also known in Chicago as THE HIP!)

Great memories from years of shopping here.

This is where I used to go to get all my fun pager covers as a teenager. Who else had a pager?

This is where my best friend and I used to go when we cut classes in high school. Please don’t do that!

I regret every minute of cutting classes and wish I did NOT back then, but anytime we came here – it was so much fun. It changed a lot since then, but it’s still a great mall, and it’s always usually so busy.

So, we went to Toys R’ Us and looked around for a bit. It’s absolutely nothing like the real Toys R’ Us from my childhood, but it was still fun.

I want to visit BABIES R’ US one day. I heard that made a comeback as well, and that’s where I used to shop for all of my kid’s things when they were babies. ❤️

We got a few goodies, and when we left here – we walked through the mall for a bit.

My daughter had money on her, so she ended up buying my little dude some things, and he loved walking through the mall with his big old bag in his hand.

We left the mall and tried to figure out what else to do – to keep us busy until 3 PM when my youngest nephew got out of school.

Their mom said it’d be okay if we wanted to pick him up early, so she ended up calling the school for an early dismissal, and we went to surprise him there.

When we walked in, the principal yelled out, “So, you’re the magical Auntie I keep hearing about!”.

She gave me the biggest hug, and we talked about what was going on with my nephew, and she thanked me for all the support I give my nephews and their mother. I apologized to her for my brother not really being the dad he needs to be or should be, but I did tell her that my nephews and their mom have a lot of support, including mine.

She told me that she hears a lot about me, and she’s so glad to finally meet me.

She brought another lady who she wanted us to meet, and we all sat there and talked for a bit, while we waited for my younger nephew to come downstairs to the office.

When he saw us, he smiled so big, ran to his locker to get his things and gave us the biggest hugs when he got to the office.

We ended up going bowling.

T.J. won the game.

My daughter and I were competing against each other, and we had so much fun.

The kids had so much fun.

After that, we went to eat at DUKES.

It was late in the afternoon by then, and the kids were hungry, so I figured we’d stop by here.

I miss DUKES. I used to go there all the time when my kids were small, and I haven’t been there in so long. It seems like the neighborhood I grew up in – has changed so much, and some things are no longer there, so on the way to DUKES, I prayed it was still standing and open.

I haven’t been there in SIX years, since moving to Minnesota.

If you’re ever in Chicago and want a good hotdog or burger – or even a great Italian Beef sandwich – this is the place to get them. (Elston and Central) if I remember correctly.

We then stopped at the bookstore because I wanted to pick up a copy of Bunnie XO’s new book.

The kids stayed in the car with my daughter – while I ran into BARNES & NOBLE to get this.

I miss Barnes & Noble.

I used to go there all the time when we lived in Chicago.

You know I love to read and I love books, so it felt so good to be back in B&N.

Also, I love Bunnie Xo. Say what you want about her or her past, but she’s so real about it, hides NOTHING, and tries her best to help steer other young women in the right direction, so they don’t go the route she did.

She’s such a sweetheart and I hear that she’ll do anything to help those in need.

People really do change!

She’s open and honest about who she was and she’s so proud of who she is now.

So, I wanted to read her story.

She has also become A New York Times best seller with this book. So, Congrats to Bunnie XO.

Anyway, after the bookstore – the kids saw FIVE BELOW across the way and asked if we could go there.

I miss FIVE BELOW. lol

I miss everything back home that we don’t have here in our area in Minnesota, so I was more than happy to take them.

I suggested to my nephews that we throw a goody bag of cute gifts together for their mom because she deals with a lot of this stuff by herself – without my brother’s help, and now – she’s dealing with this new situation with my older nephew – alone as well. My brother isn’t really doing much, so – to make her smile – the boys helped me pick out some things for her, and we put them in a cute bag.

Meanwhile, I had no idea where my children went.

My daughter took my little dude and said they’d be back.

I begged her to watch him so closely, but I knew she would. She’s responsible.

A little while later, my kids came back and handed me a gift bag. My daughter said she heard my idea to have my nephews pick out things for their mom, so my daughter and son went to pick out some cute things for me! 😁❤️ How adorable is that?!!!!!! They are so thoughtful, and I was so grateful!

My kids got me a few keychains they knew I’d love. They got me a STITCH balloon because they know I love Lilo and Stitch. They got me a STITCH Pillow and a cute STITCH plushie wearing a Skeleton costume, some of my favorite candies and an amazing Coconut candle because they know I love anything Coconut scented.

I absolutely love my kids and how they think about me often.

We went a few other places after that, and after a long day and it being late – I took my nephews back home. They had a great day. We had a great day with them, and they were so happy and tired.

They were not happy that I got a hotel room WITHOUT THEM – as they said (lol), but they made their own plans to come swimming at the hotel on Friday. I told them we’d see, but they kept asking what time I was coming to get them. I planned to maybe go get them and order pizza, but we had so much to do on Friday morning, that plans changed.

We were running around town – (just my kiddos and I) – going to different shops and places.

My daughter wanted to go clothes shopping because she needed some new things.

I wanted to stop at the VOLO MUSUEM antique stores because anytime I’m in IL. – I must pick up some new 90’s trolls. I collect them, and I always go see if they have new ones.

This time – I only found one I really liked.

I call her “GRANDMA”. 🤣

I was about to pay for her, but my daughter whipped out her debit card and told me she wanted to buy GRANDMA for me. I tried to pay still, but my daughter wouldn’t let me.

She’s such a sweetheart.

We were treating each other the last few days.

I brought her a beanie she wanted.

She treated me to other things she surprised me with. I treated her to things she wanted.

There’s so many things at the VOLO – so many antiques to take photos of, I’d be there all day, but – I snapped a few.

My kids laughed when I said I wore pants like these in high school, and I said it’s sad that they’re in an ANTIQUE mall now. They joked that I’M antique!

In the words of Stephanie Tanner from Full House:

The VOLO always makes me smile because there’s so many things I remember from my childhood.

These are perfect for anyone’s gaming room / bedroom if you grew up back then.

My grandma and grandpa had radios like that when I was growing up. 😁

My brother had an entire village of **LITTLE PEOPLE** when he was a kid. It’s crazy to think they’re “antiques / old school” now.

If you haven’t seen the VOLO museum episode – go check it out.

They say the VOLO is haunted, especially by SHADOWMAN, and they’ll have notes posted of the ghost “hot spots” around.

My little dude loves looking for these.

Looking for a Cabbage Patch? The VOLO has plenty! I had some when I was a little girl.

I remember all of us kids and teens trading cards, bubble gum and stickers of our favorite shows growing up, and ELF was one show I watched all the time, so this was pretty cool to see.

My daughter and I were talking about how wild it is – to think how old much of this stuff is, and who owned it way back then. Some of these antiques are so expensive and fragile.

If you’re ever in IL. – go check this place out.

The VOLO mall has tons of cars from movies, shows, and famous people, and the antique stores have plenty of old school memories and goodies.

After the VOLO, we went clothes shopping.

We went to get PANDA EXPRESS for my older son, because he didn’t go with us to IL. and wanted us to bring him some back. We were leaving Saturday morning, and I didn’t want to forget it. So, we just threw it in the fridge at the hotel, so it’d stay semi-fresh.

Friday – we also had to stop at STAKE N’ SHAKE!

I miss Stake N’ Shake.

Again, it’s another place we don’t have here in Minnesota, and the FRISCO MELTS and Shakes – are amazing.

The kids got M&M / Oreo shakes, and I got the Banana.

When we finally got done running around shopping and getting whatever we needed, we stopped at an ice cream shop my mom told us about years ago, and we’ve loved it ever since.

Check them out as well if you’re ever in IL.

They have all kinds of Chocolate and other candies / goodies. Ice cream. Fudge. Taffy apples of all kinds, and so much more.

We got Ice cream and went back to the hotel.

The kids went swimming, and I sat there watching them – as I was looking up weather in Minnesota for Saturday when we would be heading back. I heard there was freezing rain and supposed to be snow, but thankfully – we didn’t run into any of that.

After swimming for a while, the kids wanted to go back to the room, dry off and order pizza.

We went to sleep soon after and headed back to Minnesota early yesterday morning.

I hate driving back to Minnesota in the dark, so we got a headstart to drive while it was still daylight.

We’re back.

I hate it.

I want to go back to IL.

I miss it.

I miss everyone out there, and the places we don’t have here.

I don’t miss the traffic and the cars that think the road is their racetrack, but I do miss home.

So very much!

I came home yesterday, put everything away, my daughter started laundry and we relaxed, but today – it’s packing and getting rid of things we don’t use or need – because I want to be back home this summer if possible.

I didn’t even want to come back to Minnesota, but here we are. Back in it. Not by choice.

It was good to be home for a while, and to be in places we haven’t seen in so long, and it always does my soul good.

Hopefully, we only have two more months here because my daughter graduates soon, and we want to have the moving truck in the parking lot that same day – if all goes well.

My loves….

Have a wonderful Sunday.

XOXO

❤️Shel❤️

Changes.

February 3, 2026 Shel R.1 Comment

Loves.

I’ve been neglecting the whole blogging thing.

I’ve been so busy and so tired – trying to get ready for so many new beginnings.

The end and beginnings of new things, actually.

Graduation:

As many of you know, my youngest daughter graduates from high school in a few short months, so we’re in the final stretch of getting ready for that.

She’s been taking yearbook photos, turning in her last major assignments – including a big History project her and her friend just worked on here at our place, and she’s now searching for dresses. One for Winter formal coming up in a few weeks, and one for graduation. 💕

Senior assassin has started, and she made me laugh when she said she’s not going to be “out and about” with me – without her goggles on. Rules are – keep your location ON – (because these Seniors download an app where they can all see each other’s locations), and if they see each other “out and about” and they have goggles on their eyes, they’re considered “safe”.

If they have their goggles around their necks, hanging out of their pockets, in their hands, etc. – any other senior can assassinate them. She kept telling me I needed to get her goggles, and we’re doing that today and then – she’ll turn her location on. I told her she’s cheating, and that’s what she told me.

That she’s not going to be seen “out and about” with no goggles on. lol.

I’m just enjoying these last few months of her being in high school, and I’m not trying to rush anything.

The entire class of 2026 had a graduation song picked out, but after my daughter heard it, I was so proud when she spoke up and said that song had nothing to do with graduating, so another girl asked if they should change it. Many of the class members said yes, and agreed with my daughter, so eventually – after going through different songs, they decided on the song “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac.

Dude. I cried in my living room when she told me that, and she laughed at me.

That’s one song that always makes me cry, and knowing it’s going to be played at her graduation – I’m going to lose it. Anyone want to donate boxes of tissue? lmao. Kidding! I’ll already have a bunch of tissues with me.

That part where it says, “Well, I’ve been ‘fraid of changin’ – ’cause I’ve built my whole life around you, but time makes you bolder, children get older, and I’m getting older, too!” – gets me every time.

For so many years – I’ve built my whole life around my kids, and now that they’re getting older, I know eventually – I’ll have to find “me” again, and who I am.

So, as we prepare for graduation and do everything she has to do before that day – my mama heart is so happy and excited for that day coming up, and my mama heart is a little sad because I remember when we moved to Minnesota and she started 7th grade here. I look at her pictures of when she was growing up, and my mama heart remembers every single memory from every single photo in her younger years.

She just made “A honor roll” for 2nd quarter and she was on it for the 1st quarter as well.

I’m so proud of the young lady she is becoming, who she wants to be in the future, and all the goals and plans she has for herself after high school.

There’s a trend on TIKTOK going around where it says, “So proud of my daughter because her high school years look so different than mine”, and I smile at that trend. In high school – at the age of 17, I was pregnant with my first child and had my first child at 18. Kailani at 17 – doesn’t want any kids until she’s older, is talking about becoming a paramedic, and moving to California one day.

She didn’t follow in my footsteps, and I’m so happy because of that. She did so much better than I did in high school, and she didn’t make the same mistakes, so it does my mama heart good that she is becoming so successful. 🤗

As she finishes high school, picks her college or certification program after and becomes who she wants to be in life, it’s bitter-sweet to see her getting older, growing so fast, maturing and doing so many great things.

With that being said, I will also say that I’m so proud of me for getting two college degrees in Criminal Justice (Associate and Bachelors) – and while I didn’t get to fly to Vegas for my graduations, I do plan to purchase the cap and gown soon, take my honors tassels I was sent, get my National Society of Leadership and Success gear, and hire a photographer to take some graduation photos for me, because I didn’t do that, either.

I want to.

I think it’d be fun and it’s something I can cherish for life.

Photos my kids can cherish and look at – to be proud of their mom when I’m no longer here on this earth.

To know that if I was able to finish two degrees as a single working mom with bills and all the craziness of life – they could and should aim just as high and do many great things in this life, because if I can do it, they can too!

So, yes – I want that college graduate photo shoot soon – maybe this summer – and hell, maybe if I order my cap and gown now from the college I graduated from, my youngest daughter and I – can decorate our caps together.

Maybe we can take graduation photos together.

******

New place:

With my daughter about to graduate, I’m also looking for a new place and getting ready to get out of this small-little town.

That too – is going to be bitter-sweet, but as much as my heart and mind have battled about staying here or getting the hell out of here, I know we have to get the hell out of here.

I’ve said this before.

There’s no variety of anything here. No variety of food places, no fun activities for families, no great job opportunities – especially not in my field.

My daughter hates going into the stores we do have because this place is so small – everyone knows everyone or everyone is related to everyone and she hates running into people from school. My older son misses all his friends back home and he’s been in a bit of a depression since we lost my oldest child, and he has nobody to hang out with here. He’s made a few friends, but they weren’t the best, so he’s ready to get the hell out of here.

Not to mention – that there’s really no jobs for him out here – where he can advance and really do well.

It’s mostly fast food, a few small grocery stores, and retail, and he wants to do something else at the age of 23.

Me? I’m lost out here.

I miss my friends and family, familiar places back home and not having to drive hours and hours for good stores, good food and fun things to do. I’m tired of wasting gas and going miles and miles for the doctor or hospital, and main stores. So, it will be a blessing to move somewhere bigger and better – and somewhere a little closer to home – where everything and everyone is closer.

I did tell my landlord we will probably be out by the end of May because rent is going up here in the building, and while he’s already raised rent for others, he has kept mine the same because of the fact that he knows I want to be out of here when my daughter graduates. So, when I signed my new lease, we agreed he would do the lease until May and keep me at the same price – but if I wanted to stay and ended up being here in June, it would go up to $1,000 a month like everyone else.

This building is NOT worth that much monthly, and nothing is updated. Nothing gets fixed right away, and I’ve had so many issues in this building, it’s time to go.

He messaged me today and asked if I think I can be out by May 1st, because he found someone to take the apartment. I told him my daughter doesn’t graduate until the end of May. He messaged me back and said he’ll tell the people they can move in – June 1st then.

I laughed because NEVER did I say we were definitely moving, and I know he doesn’t like to have empty apartments here, so he tries to fill them as fast as he can, but he never even asked if I was sure I was moving – before he “found someone to take the apartment”.

Yes, we will be out because trust me when I say – I’ve never been happier to leave a place – than I am leaving this one, but at the same time – it holds so many great and fun memories, that I will cry when the apartment is empty and we’re on to new beginnings and new memories in a new place this year. 🥺 This is the last place I saw my oldest child before she was killed.

We celebrated her 21st birthday in this apartment. She drew a smiley face on the wall that night and I haven’t touched it.

We’ve had many great Christmas’s here, and late-night talks in the kitchen when my kids and I couldn’t sleep and we just laughed so much together in the middle of the night.

This apartment holds a piece of my heart, and although I’ll be so happy to see the moving truck in the driveway and the last items going into the truck to get the hell out of here, I plan to ask to have 5 minutes alone in here – and just let out all the emotions of leaving the place we’ve lived in – for 6 years now.

All the memories and good times. All the funny moments. All the laughter.

Saying goodbye to somewhere you’ve lived for so long is never easy – and while you know it’s the best thing for you and your family, it’s still so hard to do.

As the time approaches to the day that I know I’ll stand in each empty room and cry, I am so thankful for every moment we’ve had here.

I was telling a friend today about the landlord already having new people ready to take over June 1st, and that I didn’t even give him a full answer if I was moving or not, and we laughed about it, but she made a good point. She told me, “Shel, you’ve been fighting with yourself about if you’re making the right choice moving or not, and maybe this is God’s way of pushing you out of there – to somewhere better”. I agree. Maybe.

I’m a little scared. I must admit.

So many changes are about to happen, and I just pray God guides us and makes every decision I make for me and my kids – great ones.

I can only hope I’m doing the right thing by getting us out of Minnesota and somewhere closer to home. Around those we love and know. Around places we love and know. Am I going directly back into Chicago? Absolutely not, but am I going closer? Totally. Wisconsin / IL. border is perfect, and I just hope that our new place – our new lives there – are beautiful.

I’ve been looking for a place recently because the first thing I want to do when taxes come in – is drop the money on a place I love, so little by little – we can start taking our things we don’t need or use right now – to the new place, and so when my daughter does graduate – we already have a place to move to, and that will be one thing off my mind.

*****

New Niece:

I must also tell you all that my new niece was born last month.

Her mother did name her “Ella” like her and my brother planned before they broke up, and she’s the cutest thing.

If I did mention that in another post already, my bad. If not – there ya go!

I feel like she looks just like my brother, but just to be sure – since this girl refuses to talk to my brother – he did hire a lawyer to the whole DNA testing and to make sure he has visitations with his daughter.

Hell, I want to message this girl and tell her, “Let me see my niece!”. However, I know it has to be done the legal way, and I’m not trying to get my brother in any kind of trouble or issues with this girl. If it is his kid, I hope I get to see her soon, and with me being closer to home this summer if all goes well, I look forward to babysitting, seeing my niece often, and being in her life.

I hope and pray that my brother gets to be in her life – even if his ex wants nothing to do with him.

I look forward to seeing my nephews and taking them more, and I know for sure that my brother’s ex-wife (different woman) – will be more than happy to get a break and hand my nephews over to me. 🤗

Being an Auntie of possibly three now – that’s another new change and I’m excited about that.

*****

New career:

With the new opportunities that I feel like moving somewhere bigger is going to bring, I’m excited to start looking for jobs in Probation.

I have no idea if that’s the direction God will bring me in, but I also know so many other places and people that have connections to get me in wherever I decide to go. I know that my degrees, my knowledge, my skills, my experience – will lead me to the right job as well, and I leave it in God’s hands.

Even if I don’t end up doing my dream job of probation – wherever I go, I just want to know I’m making a difference in lives of those who don’t have anyone, who need help, or someone to care – and that I can do whatever I can to make them feel loved and cared for. That I can help them change their lives.

Even if I can’t save them all. 💕

So, I’m looking forward to many more opportunities than there are out here, and to a new career – even though – again, it’s going to be bitter-sweet to leave where I am now because I’ve gotten to know and love all of my tenants at my job, and they love the heck out of me and my son – who also works there with me.

I do plan to give my number to some of them, so they can keep in touch, call me whenever they’re having a tough time or just want to talk, and to keep in contact with them to know how they’re all doing.

I’m going to miss them dearly when I move.

I hate getting attached to people.

The goodbyes are always heartbreaking.

Some changes are great, and some are great – AND sad.

but………………………….

When I tell you that I’m so much looking forward to family saying, “Come on over”, and I can say, “Be there in an hour or so” – I totally mean that. When friends call and say they’re coming over, or “let’s go do something fun”, I can say, “Let’s go!”, and mean that. I do look forward to being around those I’ve missed for so long and haven’t seen in forever.

And yet again…

Leaving those I’ve met in Minnesota that have become such a huge part of my life – is tough.

I’ve met some amazing people out here, and I hope and pray we all keep in contact, and maybe I’ll come back and visit them here once-in-a-while.

There’s so many things that are going to break me and make me cry when I leave this small town, and there’s so many things that are going to make me smile when I move closer to home – that all these changes are like a Win-lose situation. Ah.

I hate changes sometimes, but again – they can be so beautiful as well.

So, there’s lots of changes coming and I just hope everything goes smoothly.

****Laugh with me****

Other than all the changes – my car was finally fixed. Yes, Maggie got taken care of.

I took the car in last week after months of issues with it and fining out it was the Timing chain, a sensor and Spark plugs.

I got it back the same day, and it was running beautifully for that day and the next, but when I went to pick the kids up from school, it sounded like it started, and whenever I hit the “push to start” button, it kept sounding like it restarted, but it wouldn’t go anywhere. I could put it into different gears, and it wouldn’t do anything.

It smelled highly of gasoline, and the battery light was on, and that wasn’t on before I sent it for service.

I called the mechanic who did the Timing chain, sensor and Spark plugs, and he came right over because he’s only a few blocks down.

He lifted the hood, checked it out and told me – (while kind of laughing) – “Your Fuel Pump went” …………………..(and he made an exploding sound with his mouth).

EXCUSE ME, SIR?!

First of all, it’s not funny, so why are you smirking? 2nd, YOU did the work, so what did you mess up that my fuel pump is bad now?

I wasn’t blaming him. You know I use humor in bad situations, and it helps me not scream my lungs out. ha.

Humor helps me keep my sanity. lol.

I joked that he did the work, and I wondered if he messed it up, so I’d have to come back and give him more money.

He said he has no idea why, but it came off or wasn’t connected, and he ended up connecting it or whatever he did and said it should be fine now. He said I may need a new fuel pump eventually, maybe not. It may be a fuel leak, maybe not. It is – or it isn’t?!!!! It needs to be replaced, or it doesn’t.

I don’t want to hear all those “maybes”.

He said if I had any further issues, bring it back – but now my check engine light is on. So, I have to bring it back to him anyway, but the car is running so much better than it was before the Timing chain and all the other stuff was taken care of, and for that – I’m grateful.

I just pray it’s nothing else, because I don’t need any more headaches with this damn car.

Maybe I just need to marry a mechanic.

You have to laugh and keep your sense of humor or life will drive you crazy.

In other news….

My older son has taken to calling me “Little Rockstar” now. lmfao.

I have no idea why or how that started, but I guess it’s because I do so much, and rock it – make things look so easy – and handle my business both at work and at home. He has started saying things like, “You got this, Little Rockstar”, or “You go Little Rockstar”. He’ll say things like, “I know you can do this, Little Rockstar!”, and “Look at you go, Little Rockstar!”.

He makes me laugh every time he says something with Little Rockstar in it, but it also makes me smile because it’s his own little personal nickname for me now. 😁 I don’t mind it!

If I had a bad day or I’m just venting, he’ll say, “You’ll be alright, Little Rockstar”.

Besides humor, my kids totally keep me sane and make me want to keep going.

OKAY, OKAY.

I’ve just been so busy, I haven’t had time to write – mostly because I’m trying to figure out and handle all these changes that are about to happen, and making sure everything is paid, taken care of, and good before my daughter graduates and we move.

Life is about to get crazy the next few months – more than it already has been – and I’m trusting God to handle it all with me.

That’s really all that’s been happening around here.

My little guy had the nurse call me from school today because he wanted medicine since he’s sick, and the nurse wanted to make sure it was okay to give him something, and my daughter called me from school because she forgot her glasses, so I had to run those up.

Besides changes and parenting – I have nothing big going on – then again – those are big, aren’t they?!

Oh wait – wait – wait…..

I tried dating.

Yes, I did.

After such a long time – I tried to dip my toes into the dating pool again, and it sucked.

I met a guy I actually loved talking to, and he was constantly messaging me, and he was great at communicating – however – he was only 28. I’m 43. He said he didn’t care about my age, and that his last girlfriend was 41. I told him I have kids, and with him not having kids – I didn’t want him to feel burdened by mine if he ever met them, especially because my son is 23, so he’s only a few years older than my oldest son. He’s only 2 years older than what my oldest kiddo would have been if she was still alive. So, I felt awkward. He – didn’t care about any of that age stuff, or the fact that I have kids.

He was fine with all of it.

He then said he works, but that he does live with his parents.

I think that’s another thing that bothered me. Him still living with his parents, which means if I ever wanted to go to his place – there’s really no privacy, and I asked if his parents would be okay with him bringing home a 43-year-old that has kids. He said his parents would just be happy he met someone, and they’re happy – if he’s happy. He said they met his ex-girlfriend, and they didn’t care that she was 41. He said his mom and dad got along great with her, and she had kids as well, so no – they wouldn’t mind me or my kids.

I still felt awkward.

I tried so hard to continue to talk to him, but my older son and I were talking about it, and I was surprised when my older son heard his age and told me, “So what? If he’s a good guy – what’s the worst that can happen? You have yourself a good boyfriend? OH NO!”. Yes, my son was being sarcastic, and he really didn’t care that this guy was only 28 – as long as I was finally happy with someone.

When I told him that this guy still lives with his parents, that was the deal-breaker for my son.

He said that’s a different story, and then he had me laughing when he said he’s 23 – and one thing he doesn’t want – is to be 28 and still living at home with me. My son always says if he’s not out by 25, I need to kick him out. ha.

So, eventually – I decided to part ways with this guy I was talking to, and I will say that he may have been a great guy – (I didn’t stick around to find out) – but if he was 28 and living alone – I may have felt better. I would have totally felt better if he was in his 30’s. I can do 30’s, but 28 was a little weird for me, and him living with his parents at 28 – even more so. I think it’s just the fact that I’m older and living alone with my kids, so I want someone who has their own place as well.

Let me say that there is nothing wrong with living with your parents still at any age because so many people need to go back home. This economy isn’t built for one income and trust me – I know that first-hand, so while I was understanding about him living at home still, he also didn’t seem to have any plans to get out on his own any time soon – which I think is what really bothered me – as well as the age thing.

He didn’t seem motivated to get out.

Not to mention that he had no kids, and I didn’t want him to feel tied down to mine. I think it would have been different if maybe he had a kid or two because then he knows how parenting goes. What really did it for me – was the fact that I mentioned one night that I was out having dinner with friends, and that I planned to have a drink or two when I got home (just a glass of wine) – and he asked why I was having a drink on a Tuesday night – BEFORE BED – like he was monitoring me.

I just felt like it wasn’t a good match, I wished him well, and I hope he finds his person.

Maybe I’m the problem.

Maybe I’m picky. Maybe I should have looked past all of that and gave him a chance? Idk.

Anyway – if you’re still here reading this, much love to you and pray that all the decisions and all the changes in the next few months – will go perfect for me and my little family. 💕

I want my mom.

I want to call her and ask her advice. Tell her everything on my mind. Have her tell me, “Everything will be okay”.

*Insert scream here*

This is the part of trusting God that nobody talks about.

XOXO.

💕Shel💕

New Years resolutions / goals and a funny story.

January 2, 2026January 2, 2026 Shel R.6 Comments

So, how did everyone’s New Years Eve go?

Mine was laid back and chill.

I grabbed pizza for the kids before I came home, and I planned to get a bottle of wine for myself, but I actually skipped that.

The kids ate and my sons were in bed early, so they knocked out and I didn’t even wake them up for the ball drop, or anything. I let them sleep, because as long as they were warm, safe and peaceful – if they wanted to bring in the NEW YEAR with snores – I was all good with that. 😁 My daughter and I stayed up the whole time watching the NEW YORK events, performers, people, and then what we thought – was going to be the ball drop.

Anyone else disappointed we didn’t get to see that?

After the countdown – the view went to the crowd and confetti.

I think many people have mentioned something about not seeing it, and how odd that was.

Either way – we then watched the little bit of LIVE streaming Chicago had going on for their first ever ball drop, and we were disappointed to know that while (Chance the Rapper) was hosting it and performing a bit, he wasn’t seen much from what people in Chi-town are saying. Still, I heard the fireworks were beautiful and the city was peaceful that night. ❤️

I heard a few other music artists were down there as well. The ones who are from Chi.

Many years back – Chance the Rapper – donated a good amount of money to some Chicago area schools, and one of them – was my older daughter’s school – (Benito Juarez Community academy HS) – in Chicago’s Pilsen neighborhood. My older daughter still went there at the time, so she was so excited to tell people that her school was one of them on the list.

I’ll always have love for Chance – and any other rapper / artist who decides to give back to their cities that they came from.

Once we watched the celebrations in NY and Chicago, and they were over – Kailani and I wished each other a Happy New Year, and we both went to our rooms and knocked out.

No selfies that night. No loud music. No wine.

Just living in the moment and relaxing.

She did have to make it known – as soon as the New Year hit – that she will be “graduating this year”, and She will be turning 18. I’m a little sad about that, but we’ll deal with that when those two major events roll around.

So…..

Did you make any resolutions for 2026?

Let me share some of mine.

Weight loss:

I’ve been on this journey for years now, and I keep messing it up.

This year, it has to be taken seriously because I’ll be 44, and my kids need me to stick around a lot longer.

I’m not young anymore, and if I want to be there for them for many more years, this is one way to guarantee it.

When I lived in Chicago and then moved to Minnesota, I was slim. I was active. I enjoyed working out and being on the move all the time.

When my oldest child was taken from this earth, that’s when things got bad. Really bad.

I stopped working out. I wasn’t active for a long time, because I just wanted to be in bed all day.

I would shower, go to work, and do nothing after.

I wasn’t eating right. I was drinking. I was depressed, angry, confused, and had so many questions that I’d never get the answers to. Things got bad for years, and I just didn’t care, so instead of cooking homemade meals like I used to and doing things outdoors, or going places – I’d pick up fast food, eat, and go to sleep.

I’d take care of my kids of course. Took them to school, helped with homework, made sure they ate meals, made sure laundry was done and the house was clean all the time, but – other than what I had to do – there was no working out, or taking care of “being fit” because my oldest was gone. I didn’t have a will to live, or to care about me. So, I gained weight, and kept gaining because I wasn’t active anymore, and I was eating whatever, drinking whatever. Sleeping for hours.

In 2025 – I promised myself it’s time to get back to the old me. The me who worked out. Who was active. Who didn’t even have time to eat because I was making so much money and had dreams / goals, and ambitions.

2025 – just helped me heal a little more, and to finally accept that my oldest was gone, and I’ll never get those answers I felt like I needed. That I wanted. That I struggled so hard to get from whatever happened that night she was killed. 2025 – I knew I needed to get back on my “A-GAME” and get my money right – get my fitness back together – and make sure I was taking care of me as well – because I have kids, and you can’t pour from an empty glass, right?

I was drained for years. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically.

2025 – taught me that I’ve been down and out for too long, and it was time to get my ass back to God, and to get back on my feet after years of struggling with depression, anger, and a pain no parent should ever have to go through.

2026 – THIS YEAR – This is for me. This comeback is personal. This year – I’m doing everything I plan to do, and that includes getting fit again. Eating better. Thinking better. Living better.

Okay, so we have an event tomorrow and my kids made me promise them McDonald’s after. 🤣

And – we still have leftover Christmas cookies. So, I promised myself that on the 4th – I was going to plug in the treadmill that usually holds clean clothes that need to be hung up when they come out of the dryer – and I am going to get my ass on there every day – maybe twice a day.

I said I was going to go for more walks, drink more water, and eat right this year.

I’m going to 100% get out of this funk I’ve been in for years now and get back to the me that I was when I lived in Chicago, and when I first moved here.

I do need to lose this weight I gained over the years, and while some people will look at me and tell me I’m crazy or there’s not much to lose, I can see it and feel it, and I want it gone. So, that’s a goal I plan to accomplish this year. To at least – get back down to what I was when I packed up my life in IL. and moved to MN.

For anyone trying to do the same – let me also say that while it’s NOT easy trying to eat right, exercise and lose weight – cheat days are okay, as long as you only have ONE of them here and there, and it’s okay to NOT exercise everyday – as long as when the next day comes – you get up and go at it again. 😊

Moving to civilization:

Another 2026 New Years resolution I have – is to move my kids and I – closer to civilization.

The little town we live in is dead. I mean – dead. dead.

We don’t have much around here, and everything is usually closed down by 8 PM or earlier.

Everyone is in each other’s business. If you do something, people are going to know before you blink an eye.

Gossip travels fast.

Everyone knows everyone or is related to everyone.

Last names matter here.

This little town is boring and there’s not much to do, unless you want to drive miles and miles away, hours and hours away, and have to travel back home again.

In the nearest bigger “town” – we have two or five of everything.

There’s no variety of anything here.

We have two McDonald’s. Two Burger Kings. Three Starbucks. FOUR Caribou coffees, and a bunch of random pizza places all within 5-10 minutes of each other. We have a bunch of banks, and car washes, but nothing really for kids to do.

No real stores. We have everything on repeat, and our mall is just as dead as these towns.

In Chicago, there were so many good food places, and a huge variety of cultural choices.

In Chicago, there are tons of stores upon stores of different kinds, and they’re all so close together and you don’t have to travel miles or hours to find something for the kids to do. There are tons of places for kids to go in IL.

I thought I wanted the country life – until I got it – and was hit with the reality of it. ha.

Now – I know why people leave small country towns for bigger cities.

So, in the next two months – I plan to buy a bunch of bins, pack up everything we don’t use right now or need out, and put them in these bins. I plan to stack them up in a corner somewhere and get rid of things we don’t want to keep or need. I plan to have the kids do the same in their bedrooms and get rid of what they don’t need or want, pack up things they’re taking with us when we move, and get everything ready.

In April – I plan to start looking for work near a place in Wisconsin – closer to IL. or – in a suburb near my aunt and uncles in IL. because I love it there, and drop the money on a place, so when my youngest daughter graduates, there’s a moving truck in the parking lot and we already have a place to move to.

We are so ready to get out of here and get back to a variety of food places – (although I don’t need that while trying to hit my weight loss goal), a variety of stores, and things to do. We’re ready to get back to being closer to friends and family. We’re so ready to get back to places being open late, or 24 hours in some spots. We’re so ready to be where there’s better job opportunities, and more money.

We’re just ready to go.

So – this month and next – are going to be filled with packing and cleaning up the apartment we’re in now, and April – will be the month of searching for a place and dropping money on it – so when May comes, we’re starting over – somewhere else, and leaving 6 long years in Minnesota – in the dust.

I think the first year of this place was our happiest, and after that – we wondered what the hell we got ourselves into moving to this small town. Yes, it’s safe. Yes, it’s quiet. Yes, I love hearing the cows next door “moo” when I open the windows and they’re out. Yes, I love hearing the gunshots when it’s hunting season, but – I’m just ready to be around the familiar places, people, and things I grew up with back home.

No, I don’t want to move directly into Chicago, but yes, it will be nice to be at least an hour from family and friends – and not almost 10 hours.

So, that’s a resolution of mine this year.

Getting the hell out of dodge and going back towards who and what we know.

Career:

There are no career opportunities where we are now, and one of my biggest New Years resolutions – is to be offered a job as a probation officer. It’s been a dream of mine since I was 15 and I had a probation officer – which is a story for another time.

Since then – I’ve always thought it’d be pretty cool to become one and help other juveniles change their lives – like she helped me. Like many people just like her – including a few cops I met along the way – helped me.

Oddly enough, they don’t need probation officers in our little area – even though there are plenty of kids who are in need of one, but we only have a few.

I was so excited the beginning of this year when I was still in school for my BA degree in Criminal Justice, and I applied for and was offered an internship for probation, but – because my school and the county needed to create a contract for me to do this, and it took forever – I was graduating before I ever got to do the internship. I was literally a few weeks away from graduation when a contract was finally set, but by then – it was too late because the internship would go towards my credits and I already had those.

I was bummed, but hopefully – knowing there’s so many career opportunities in bigger cities I’ve been looking into moving to – maybe it will finally happen for me.

If not, at least there’s more opportunities for other positions in the field I went to school for.

I love the job I have now – dealing with those who were once homeless, who are alcoholics, drug addicts, have mental health issues, etc. but – it’s not my dream career and the pay sucks. I do it because I love it, and I love the people, but it’s not forever.

Stepping into my dream career for 2026 – is a goal of mine.

Debts:

This year is going to be the year that I will work two or three jobs if I have to – or pick up a side hustle – to get myself debt – free. I don’t have a lot of debt, but I do plan to pay off my car and trade it in this year to treat myself to a little graduation gift – since I completed both degrees over the last 4 years and haven’t done anything nice for myself to celebrate both degrees.

This year is going to be the year that I work my ass off and pay off whatever I need to – to make sure that my only debt – is my new SUV if I get one, a mortgage if I’m able to drop some money on a house this year or next, and my basic bills. I don’t think that’s too much to set as a goal, is it?! This year is the year that I don’t want to worry about any finances, and I just want to live my best life with my kids.

This is the year that I want to do more traveling, see more places, and do more things with them.

This is the year I want to say, “Yes – I have extra money. Let’s go out this weekend!” and really mean it!

I want all my debts cleared, and I don’t want to worry about anything this year, except what the kids and I are doing on my days off.

God:

A good friend of mine and I were talking a while back and we both decided to start reading the BIBLE more this year. To really study it and write down our favorite quotes and scriptures, stories, lessons, etc. and not just read it – but REALLY read it and focus on it. We plan to talk about it, share our thoughts with each other, and make it our “go-to” when life is kicking our asses.

We both said our souls are a mess and we need to get right with God. lol.

We found it hilarious yesterday when I left her a message saying, “Get your Bible ready. This is our year. We said we were going to do this”, and I told her what I plan to do, and without listening to my message – she sent me almost the same thing, so we took it as a sign that God is up there like, “Let’s go girls! It’s time!”. haha.

I feel like this year, I need to trust God more and stop trying to run everything.

These are just some of my goals for the year. Some of my New Years reslutions.

What are yours?

If you want to hear a funny story about God – let me share this with you before I get out of here. 😁

On Christmas Eve, my son got paid and asked if he could use my car to do some last-minute shopping and run a few places. I let him, but because my car needs work – I told him not to go far.

He was headed to the nearest bigger city 30 minutes away, and I got a phone call from my daughter. She went with him.

I answered and I heard a police officer loud and clear in the background but couldn’t hear what he was saying or what was going on. My heart dropped!

You know my oldest was killed in a car accident, and now my other two children just took my car – and I get a call and just hear the cop talking. Finally, I heard my son say, “Is mom on the phone?”. My daughter said yeah, and she said, “Hello?”. I kept saying hello before she said her first hello, and I was so relieved to hear both of their voices. I asked her what was going on. She said she had me on speaker, and that they got pulled over.

I was so grateful it was just that and that they didn’t get into an accident or hit a deer.

I was so grateful they were both okay.

The officer got on the phone and said the reason he pulled my son over – was because the tabs were expired.

I told him the car has been giving issues, so I try not to drive it a lot, but I just ordered the new tabs online and that I have the insurance on my phone if he wanted me to send proof to my daughter, so she could show him. He said that would be great, so I did.

He gave my son a warning about driving without the new tabs and the insurance card on him, and he let them go.

My son came back home, and they told me that the officer told him that I also have to take the cross I have – off my rearview mirror. He said it’s an “obstruction to view”. It’s a small cross that says, “For he will command his angels to guard you in all your ways”.

I told Frankie it’s not coming down.

Frankie (my older son) asked if I was seriously going to leave it up. I sure am!

He asked what I was going to do if that same cop stops me next time and tells me the same thing.

Me to said cop if it happens: “That battle is between you and God when you get up there, but it’s not going anywhere. I’ll take the ticket, but don’t cry when you have to answer to that man up there when you meet him”. 😁

I had my kids laughing, but I thought it was funny.

Good Lord, I’m just glad they are okay because I panicked that day.

I have to get out of here and get ready to start my day, but you all have a beautiful weekend…

and I love you!

❤️Shel❤️

When work comes home with you – you have to unleash and release.

December 28, 2025December 28, 2025 Shel R.3 Comments

Today has been one hell of a day.

Usually, Sundays are relaxing at work. Sundays are quiet. Sundays are chill.

Sundays are my favorite day at work because nothing ever happens on a Sundays.

My son works with me on the weekends, so we were a little surprised at all the stuff that went on today, especially with one of the tenants in our facility – that we’ll call “Nick”.

I’m not going to sit here and get into the whole thing because we dealt with Nick for HOURS – at different times today – and once we thought all was quiet again – Nick would start things up again. My son and I were the only staff working today, and with over 60 tenants in the building – it can become a lot. It can get stressful, overwhelming and crazy, especially if there’s so much going on at one time – like today.

I will say that Nick was having issues with his girlfriend and another guy that his girlfriend may – or may not – be seeing behind his back, so Nick decided to down a huge bottle of Vodka and start acting out – right in the facility we work in. Right in the lobby.

Thankfully – nobody else was in the lobby, because when Nick came to us and said he needed to talk and we knew he was very much angry and drunk – we were able to deal with him in private and with nobody else watching what was going on, or being nosy.

When Nick said he needed to talk, I asked if he wanted to talk to my son (man to man), or me. He said he didn’t care. My son went to the lobby and talked with Nick for a bit, and a few moments later – I heard something hit the window and saw a guy who looked like my son – standing on the other side of the building in the lobby – and his arm was up like he just threw something.

I thought he threw a punch.

I thought Nick attacked my son and my son was fighting back.

I jumped up and ran to the lobby – only to thankfully find out Nick had just thrown a can of pop that busted all over, and my son was standing behind him trying to calm him down.

I told my son to take over in the office, and I watched as Nick turned and punched the wall.

I stood right in front of him, made him look me in the eyes, and I grabbed his hands.

“You CANNOT lose your housing or your freedom and both of those will happen if you don’t cut it out! Nick, no woman is worth this and she’s not the only one out there. If she’s trying to make you jealous, or you’re acting like this because she’s throwing another man in your face, she’s not the one for you! You’re going to end up in jail – or out on the streets again if you get kicked out of here, and she’s still going to be warm, eating good – with a place to live still. Is that what you want?”.

I gave him a little speech and tried talking common sense into him – while still holding on to his hands.

He said no.

He also said a lot of other things that worried me, and after all the different situations that happened with him today, we had a long and serious talk after the 3rd issue he caused.

At one point, the police had to be called. Actually, I called for the paramedics, and dispatch sent the police instead.

When they walked in – I met them in the hallway.

Officer A smiled this adorable, beautiful smile and asked, “How’s it going?”.

Me: It’s been a day already, and I just got here a few hours ago. You single?

No, I didn’t ask if he was single, but he was such a beautiful man, I was tempted. lol.

Officer B. wasn’t bad looking, either.

Both officers had me take them to Nick’s room, and they dealt with him.

After they left, I had my son laughing so much when I said that even though it’s been a wild day so far – dealing with everything going on with others, and then all the stuff with Nick – I totally didn’t mind some eye candy that early in the morning. He said for my birthday, he’s just going to rent me a room next year and hire two male strippers dressed like cops. He laughed even more when I told him I want the real thing. I don’t want a fake cop. 😁

Seriously though, I don’t know what will happen with Nick after today’s madness, but I pray for him and just hope he can work out his issues.

Part of working in any field that has to do with those who were once homeless, are criminals, violent, or have drug / alcohol issues – is that you support them, show love and compassion, respect them, and do what you can to calm them down, keep them calm, etc.

So, today – while Nick was looking for something else to punch after I let go of his hands, I told him, “NO!”, and asked if he needed a hug. He looked at me for a few moments – sadness in his eyes, and I opened my arms to him – giving him the biggest teddy bear hug!

Mental health is a real thing that needs love, and compassion – and I know this man has mental health issues. Mix alcohol in there, and it becomes a scary and dangerous combination. Once he got that hug, and I had this serious talk about his housing, how he should want to act to keep it, and not wanting to go to jail over this girl – we were able to sit down in the lobby and have an hour-long conversation, and he was able to remain calm the rest of the day.

I have seen both – the good and the bad sides of Nick.

He can really be such a cool guy sometimes.

Just yesterday – I was in the office, and he came up to the office window – pointing two nerf guns at me.

He started shooting the window and laughed. He said he got them for $10, and he was having fun.

I joked and told him, “I WANT TO PLAY!”.

He handed one to me.

We had fun.

Today, he also fell on his ass. Slid on ice outside, and when I went out there and asked if he really just fell, he laughed about it and said he broke his butt. So, he has a good side to him. He has a funny side.

Today, when he was finally calm after many hours of anger – we were sitting on the armchairs in the lobby talking, and he apologized to me for the cops being there. I joked that he did me a favor because I was able to see some “eye candy” so early in the morning. He looked at me, smiled and told me, “SSSSSHHHUUUTTT UPPPPP!”. lol. I did tell him I was expecting the medics after the issue he caused in his room – but the cops showed up instead, so they weren’t there because I wanted them to be. I wanted the medics for him.

He really is a good guy, but again – when you mix anger, mental health issues and liquor – it can go bad – fast! That’s what happened today. All day.

Still, I love my job.

I love that when these beautiful people need someone who cares – I can be there.

*****

Have you seen the movie “DANGEROUS MINDS?” – with Michelle Pfeiffer???

She works with bad ass teenagers and she’s trying to make them WANT to learn. WANT to change their lives.

At one point in the movie – one of them ask her why she even cares and says something about her just being in it for the money. She makes a comment back like, “I make a choice to care, and honey – the money isn’t that great!”. Something like that.

Today – one of my other tenants I see every day – was upset because I wouldn’t give him his alcohol portion since he hasn’t been eating much. I refused, and he’s just not used to that – coming from me. As soon as I walked in this morning, he smiled big – greeted me at the door – and yelled, “There she is!”. Why? He thought he was getting alcohol as soon as I walked in.

Nope. I told him he had to eat breakfast first.

He was upset.

I told him I heard he hasn’t been eating much, and I can’t have him living off alcohol portions.

I’ll tell you what he didn’t do.

He didn’t yell at me like he yells at anyone else.

He was respectful, but he did ask me why I even care. He said nobody gives a shit about him and then he says, “All of you just want the money”. I did that Michelle Pfeiffer comment and told him, “I make a choice to care, and honey – the money isn’t that great!”. I meant it, too! The money is nothing to brag about. It sucks – honestly, but I love my job, and I care so much about each one of the people who live in this facility.

I love seeing all of them daily – and joking around – making them smile – getting a laugh out of them because they know I try to be funny and make their day better. I use humor with all of them, and many of them enjoy that and joke right back.

Recently, I received a (Certificate of Appreciation) award from work. I was thrilled.

This made me smile and made me feel good.

I do make the choice to care – even if it’s just a paycheck for others.

I do give a shit, and I’ll continue – until I move and no longer work there.

Today – a few of the tenants planned to walk to the liquor store right when lunch started.

I knew they hadn’t eaten and I asked three of them if they grabbed lunch.

They said no.

I told them to march their butts to the kitchen before they go out in the ice and snow and take that long walk.

Guess what they did?

Agreed they’d better get lunch, and they all walked to the kitchen – where my son was handing out lunches.

One of them laughed when I joked that I feel like they’re all my “adult children!”. 😁

It has totally been a wild day. I’m exhausted. I work early again tomorrow, and while being single is great – sometimes, I do wish I had someone to come home to – to hand me a glass of wine, listen to me talk about all of this instead of writing it all to get it off my chest, and someone to massage my feet or shoulders – while he listens to me vent.

Thank all of you for listening to me vent though! Or – reading. 😶

I just had dinner. I’m going to cuddle up in bed and possibly listen to some music before I fall asleep.

💕Shel💕

When you can’t sleep – you do some research on trains, and other things.

November 29, 2025 Shel R.Leave a comment

So, who was dreaming about me and won’t let me sleep?

Ha.

It’s currently 2:20 AM and I’ve been awake since I went to bed at 9 – something last night.

I’ve just been in bed thinking about different things. Tossing and turning. Thinking some more. Thinking of bills due. Christmas coming up fast. My work schedule. Getting back into a workout routine, and all kinds of stuff. I’ve checked my phone about 20 times, and every time I look – it’s just another 20 minutes or so later.

My mind won’t shut the hell up, and for some crazy reason, my mind went to the train derailment of 1977 – in downtown Chicago.

(Photo taken from Medium).

My mom worked down there at the time if I remember her telling me that correctly.

She was down there when it happened.

I have no idea why I thought about this as I was in bed not able to sleep, but then I started looking up photos on it, reading the story, and remembering my mom talking about it many years ago.

If you want to read the story, check it out. 👇

https://mx-schroeder.medium.com/out-of-the-loop-the-1977-chicago-usa-train-collision-6049663a4fc6

There are more photos on the site.

😶

I don’t really tell many people because it’s not really a big deal – but I like trains. I know – weird fact about me you probably didn’t need to know, but I do. I think they’re really cool, and if I’m being honest – I especially love the freight trains that travel all around the world and have the really creative tagging / drawings on it – from people who shouldn’t be doing it – but some of their artwork is neat.

The fact that these trains go all over, and these taggers are getting their artwork noticed in many different states – is pretty amazing. Okay, okay. I’m Criminal justice. I know it’s illegal and it’s not right to tag on a train car or mark it up – but I’ve seen some hard work put into those masterpieces, and it makes me appreciate art more. I don’t mean the goofy “Let me tag my name on this train car” – garbage. I mean the awesome photos of cartoons that get drawn, or the ones that take time to make something stand out – that the entire world will see – wherever that train car is.

I always wonder if someone creates these beautiful pieces on train cars and thinks to themselves, “Many people in many cities and states will see this and love it!”.

Stuff like (below) – makes me smile and makes me wonder how the hell there’s enough time – to do stuff like this, but again – while wrong and illegal – some of it – is creative.

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Just because I started thinking about the train derailment in Chicago in 1977, that got me thinking about train cars I’ve seen with all kinds of drawings and artwork on it. I’m not okay with the tagging and people just being stupid about it – but something like these photos – that go all over the world and make people giggle and smile – I’m not against it!

STILL ILLEGAL THOUGH! STILL NOT A GOOD IDEA TO DO IT!

If you get caught, there’s hefty consequences!!!!

Hell. There are so many different types of trains and different styles, I just appreciate the trains themselves – even without the tagging and beauty of different artwork on them. So, I grabbed my phone, and I was looking up different types of trains, and I came across more train derailments, and why they happen.

What I really wanted to see – was how it looks for a train conductor – driving a train, so I looked up those videos.

Another fun fact about me – is that I once wanted to be a train conductor and drives those huge things, but I know it’s not always sunshine and rainbows, and there’s a lot that goes into it.

I’m telling you! For some reason – I’ve always been fascinated with trains.

Maybe it started when I was a young kid and my friends and I would climb over a fence – to then climb up a hill and onto the train tracks down the block from where I grew up. I loved trains even then, and nothing has changed.

There was one time a police officer was driving by, saw my best friend and I – up on the tracks, and screamed at us to get down. We hopped back over the fence, and once we were back on the ground, he yelled at us – telling us the dangers of being up on the tracks, and how if it derails – we’re in trouble and can be killed up there.

Our brothers were up there, too!

Mine got caught and he had to come down, and my best friend’s brother was hiding behind a wall – laying down, so the cop couldn’t see him. We were told that if he comes back around or sees us up there again, we’d be taken to the station, and our parents would be called. He asked if anyone else was up there with us, and we lied and said no. He asked, “So, that foot I see – isn’t attached to a body?”. lol

We turned to see my best friend’s brother’s foot sticking out from behind the wall. He got in trouble, too!

And –

My best friend lived on a dead-end street, on the 3rd floor – and the train tracks were literally right outside her window, so we could see people in the train and the trains going by, and they could see us if we had our heads sticking out of her bedroom window. We used to wave, and some would wave back. Sometimes, if the train conductor saw us, he’d toot the train horn for us. 😊

So, besides bills, and Christmas – my work schedule and other things on my mind, I was searching train videos of all kinds, and the 1977 derailment in my city back then. Long before I was born. I was searching for photos of train tagging’s – and drawings on trains that people have taken photos of, and I have some myself in one of my old phones.

Still – my mind wouldn’t shut up and let me sleep.

Then, I realized I was hungry and had to get up to eat, so I checked on my little guy, and saw – (as usual) – his cat sleeping right next to him – like Simba does every night. 💕

I checked on my other two kids, and snuck to the kitchen to grab something little to eat, and here I am.

Writing for the world – that’s probably all sleeping right now. How does it feel?! haha.

I also found myself looking up reviews for different places I shop, eat, etc. I’m telling you – insomnia is real and it will have me all over the internet looking up things that make no sense at the time, but they’re interesting.

After all that, I started thinking about the people at work. From my amazing co-workers to the residents that we take care of and look out for – I adore them all.

The residents in our care – are homeless and have come to stay at our facility upon approval of whoever helps them pay for it – be it insurance, or whatever, and the case manager they work with.

They have to abide by certain rules, and if they follow those rules – they have a place to stay. If they break them – they can be kicked out. The residents in our care have mental health issues, drug and alcohol addictions, Criminal records, and many have had complicated rough lives, but I wouldn’t want to work anywhere else, because our residents are pretty awesome. 💕

As someone who works in the facility, I know that anything can happen on any given day and sometimes – our lives can be put in danger, but I also know that there’s protocol and the police are right on board with arriving quickly if any one of my co-workers or myself need them, especially if someone who isn’t allowed near the facility or on the property – shows up.

Many times – we’re not even thinking about the dangers of working in this facility when we’re there. We’re vigilant and stay alert of course, but I think the communication between all of my co-workers and myself – is beautiful and we all make sure that if we need our lead staff – we can call them and know that they’ll come handle whatever they need to.

I think the worst that has happened – is a few of them having too much to drink, and we may have to get in between them and whoever they’re arguing with, or let it be known that they don’t want to break their lease and get kicked out – so, “Cut it out!”, and many times – they do stop before anything gets too crazy.

I think it’s about building rapport (trust and mutual respect) with the residents that live there, and the staff – and getting to know all of their personalities, so if something does happen – we can step in and deal with each individual on a personal level – knowing they trust a few of us who work there.

I love it.

I love the residents, and I love going to work, and I never thought I’d say that.

I’ve been in the medical field for so long, and I used to hate going to work, but now that I’m in the field of partial Criminal justice / partial community service and dealing with criminals, homeless residents that now live in the facility, drug and alcohol addicted people – it’s such a rewarding job, and I can now honestly say – I love my job!

Just the other day, one of my most awesome residents came up to me and handed me this:

He told me he made it for me, and it’s not much – but he thought it was nice.

I absolutely love it and told him that for me – it’s the little things that matter, and that I was going to put it on display on my kitchen counter at home – and I sure did! 😊

Many of them are such sweet and kind people, but because of what they’ve been through and have done in their lives – they need to know they can trust us staff members, and I try to make sure they know they can come to me and I’m going to do whatever I can for them – just like a few of my co-workers who go above and beyond.

It’s not just a paycheck for me!

While I couldn’t sleep, all of that was running through my mind because we have some residents who probably won’t ever get better, get help, or change – and I hate that, but I respect their choices. They’ve been this way for so long, they don’t know any other lifestyle. For some residents – they’re not doing well, and they know they’re not going to be on this earth long, so they choose to live reckless and do what they want to do, and we can’t stop that.

So – where I work – we laugh, we love, we show compassion and kindness and just be there whenever these residents need us.

I thought about work as well. Not just trains, bills, Christmas and whatever else.

Listen, I’ve eaten. I’ve written. It’s 3:13 AM, and I have to be up for work at 5, so I should probably try to again to get some sleep. I know I’ll be drinking a lot of Coffee later today.

I will catch up with all of you and what’s going on in your lives later tonight.

Have a beautiful and blessed day!

💕Shel💕