(The cute image above was adorably done by Dibujitos Cheverves) on Pinterest and reflects my need for sleep right now). ha.
So, I’ve mentioned a few days ago that our building has been sold.
I had no idea who the new landlords were until today.
It’s a married couple. A young married couple, and if I remember correctly – I met the husband a few months back when they came to look at the building and apartments, but I don’t remember meeting the wife. I could be wrong and he could just look like some other guy who came here to see the building, but if it’s the same guy I remember – I’ve met the husband.
They seem like a really sweet couple.
They seem like they’d make great landlords.
I was waiting for them today because the elderly woman who lives upstairs – told me that they were coming to give out information since they just took over ownership of the building.
I wanted to meet them. I wanted to talk to them about my lease.
My lease ends at the end of May, and I mentioned to my previously landlord – I’d probably be moving once my daughter graduates. He wasn’t going to renew the lease. He was going to find someone else to take over since I said I was moving.
However – we still haven’t found a place and things back home in IL. are highly expensive and overpriced right now. Gas is ridiculously overpriced, rent, etc. and as much as we want to move back home – I’ve been looking and looking and can’t find anything in the area we’d like to move to.
Parts of Wisconsin are great – but a lot of them are prone to them spinners – as I call them. The good old tornado.
I feel like maybe things aren’t working out as smoothly as I thought they would – because maybe we’re not supposed to move back to IL. or even close to it.
I wish heaven had a phone, so I could call God and ask what I’m supposed to do?! Get some answers from above.
I was watching the Chicago news about a teenage takeover last night in downtown Chicago where teens were acting wild, doing all sorts of goofy stuff, and taking over the streets.
I was watching the Chicago news this morning about teens on the Northside of Chicago (which is the better part of it) – breaking into cars and stealing airbags! AIRBAGS!!!! What in the world?!!!!!
My first thought when I saw the news today – was not only “WHERE THE HELL ARE THEIR PARENTS?” – but also, “Maybe I don’t want to move back there as much as I think I do!”.
………..but anyway………..
I wanted to talk to the new landlords about possibly doing a month to month instead of me being stuck in another year-long lease at the end of this lease.
They didn’t knock on doors though or introduce themselves in person.
They left envelopes in everyone’s doors introducing themselves through a letter.
It asked tenants to download an app where we could pay rent, request repairs to be done, and communicate with them for anything else. The communication part – I’ll probably do tomorrow. It also said they require renter’s insurance (which actually isn’t expensive at all!). We are able to sign up right through the app or website.
I love the fact that we can pay rent online again because our last landlord had that – but after a few months, it was right back to sending him VENMO payments. He couldn’t keep up with the online payments – I guess. I love paying online and I just find it faster and easier than me having to send VENMO’s and messaging to ask if the rent was received.
When I looked online – it says my lease goes all the way until the end of May 2027 – but I don’t know if I want to be here that long, which is where the whole month to month thing comes into play. I don’t want to have to pay if I want to break my lease, and I need questions answered, so I’ll be getting ahold of the new owners.
Change is good, and I’m happy with this change.
Now, we all have to get used to the new landlords. They have to get used to us.
Hopefully it all goes well and works out.
So, they had us download this app – and I was on the app and the website – but neither one was letting me sign up – like the paper said we should be able to.
I laughed when the elderly woman upstairs and I – were messaging each other and she said her phone is so outdated – she needed to go get a new one just to download the app. She said I’d probably have to go upstairs and help her set everything up, and I totally have no issues doing that for her. ❤️ She’s my daughter’s English tutor in school actually, so we’ve gotten to know her pretty well.
As for this app –
I finally contacted support and found out the landlords have to send us an invite link – after they put us into the renter’s system online. I knew I wasn’t going crazy. I know damn well I’m great with computers and apps – so when I couldn’t figure out for 45 minutes – how to sign up – I was getting annoyed.
I messaged the husband because that’s the number on the letter everyone got, and he replied quickly saying he had the wrong email address for me, and his wife was sending me the link right now, and she did. I was able to sign up with no issues, deal with the whole renter’s insurance thing, and learn the new system for rent payments.
*****
Aside from that – my little dude is sick, and I’m pretty sure we’ll be making a walk-in clinic visit tomorrow night if he’s not better.
I picked up more hours at work to save more money to move.
I was interested in the Supervisor position at work like I said a few posts ago, and I wasn’t going to take it – but the money is really good, and I wanted the experience. I ended up messaging my boss and telling her that after doing some thinking, I’ll take it. She did tell me when I interviewed for it – that she has to interview a few others, and I understand.
I’m sure she wants someone with Supervisor experience, and if someone else gets it – I’m happy for them.
I found a new mechanic to work on my car. He’s a mobile mechanic and I see him all over Facebook in our local area, so I messaged him the other day and he was more than happy to come out by me and check everything out to see what’s really going on – after the last mechanic had me there 6 times and guessed much of it.
This mechanic has a lot of great reviews, but he charges $130 to come all the way to me, and I get that. That’s not too much, but I asked how much he’d charge if I went to him, and it’s $100. Hey – the guy has to make money, right?! So, I told him I’d go to him – both when he checks it out and figures out what’s wrong, and when he’s about to fix the issue. The real issue – and not just guessing like the other one.
I still wish I would have thought about the mechanic I know back home when I was out there a few weeks ago. I’m sure he could have easily figured it out and fixed it for me.
Other than that –
I miss family. I miss friends back home. I miss familiar places. I miss good authentic food. I miss Tony’s. For those who had never been in a Tony’s store – you have no idea what you’re missing!
They have everything!
My mind is all over the place tonight. I’m just rambling right now.
I wish I could find the key to my treadmill to get a workout in before I go to bed.
I’ve been stressed and I could use something to burn this energy.
If it wasn’t so damn dark outside right now and I wasn’t afraid of all the wild-life we have out here – I’d go for a late-night jog. Hell, maybe I need to make more friends around here and call someone to tell them to pick me up for a late-night drive through these country roads.
If I’m stuck here another year – I may just have to make some more friends out here.
I’ve avoided interacting with people out here because it’s a really small town. Everyone knows everyone. Everyone is in each other’s business and gossips so much, and that’s just not my thing. So, I keep to myself, but I’m so down to meet new people and make new friends if I’m stuck here for another year.
Yep. I’m rambling about nothing and everything at the same time.
So, I’m going to end it here and get some sleep.
I’m working tomorrow for my boss. She has a lot going on right now and I told her I’d pick up her shift tomorrow – plus – it’s more hours and money for me, so I don’t mind.
Have a beautiful night my loves. I hope to read all of your wonderful posts tomorrow night and catch up with all of you.
Occasionally, I’ll watch a movie that will make me cry.
Tonight, when I came home from work – my daughter said she had a movie to show me.
We sat down after I made pizza, and she showed me:
While some movies make me cry a bit – this one had me straight up bawling my eyes out!
I was in tears!
It’s a true story about a dog who refused to give up, and it shows loyalty, lessons in loss and grief.
My heart broke so much in this movie, and it was such a great one.
If you haven’t seen it yet, I totally recommend checking it out, but be prepared and have some tissues handy. Oy. I’m still thinking about the movie, and to think that it’s a true story – breaks my heart even more. 💔
Anyway –
Let me move on to funnier and happier things because I’m a mess right now after watching this. lol.
I worked this weekend, and you all know Daisy, right?
If you follow along with my posts, you’ll know she’s this little itty-bitty-elderly woman that lives in the facility I work in. She is funny as hell when she’s sober, but when she’s been drinking – she’s a little firecracker, and she’s after everybody!
If you’re in the path of her little “attitude tornado” as I call it now – she’s going to get you!
Yesterday, she was beyond drunk, and it wasn’t even 9 AM yet – I hadn’t even had a full cup of coffee yet – and she was screaming from her side of the building – at another resident on the other side. She was running her mouth, trying to start problems, and going off on this other tenant / resident.
Thankfully – this other resident walked away and didn’t say anything to her.
A while later, Daisy was outside with a few other tenants / residents, and as I was chatting with another tenant / resident, I heard yelling outside. I threw my head back; rolled my eyes and already know it was Daisy yelling at someone else now. The lady she was yelling at – came inside to avoid problems, and I went outside – as Daisy continued to yell, because she was mad that she was in the other lady’s face, and the lady walked inside.
I went out there because we all know I match energies.
These aren’t kids. These are grown adults who get drunk and goofy, and don’t know how to act when they’ve been drinking, so when I got outside – I joked with Daisy and told her if she wants to fight with someone – stand up and fight me.
I was trying to lighten the mood.
She got tough and told me, “I’ll kick your ass!”.
Daisy loves me. I’m not worried about her.
I told her to stand up and let me see it.
I put my fist up.
She stood up and put hers up and almost slipped on ice under the bench she had been sitting on. I told her to sit her ass down before she slips and blames me for it. She wants to fight and can’t even stand up to do it. She joked that she was going to kick me, and I stepped back and told her she would have to reach me – to kick me, and she’s too short for that.
She went on a full rant about the lady who had just walked inside, about the director of the facility I work in, about so many other things that I just let her vent about – because with Daisy – that’s what you have to let her do when she’s been drinking. You just have to let her get it all out, and you know what?
I have learned that Daisy is angry, hurt, emotionally and mentally drained, heartbroken for many different reasons and things she’s been through in her life. Daisy cries a lot when I talk to her. When I really sit down and talk to her whenever she’s on her little rants – she pours her heart out to me.
That’s one of the reasons she loves me. I let her vent. I let her pour her heart out. I joke with her to make her laugh and calm her down. I take the time to hug her, and let her know I’m there for her, and she feels like some of the other staff – could care less and just want to see her leave. They don’t want to take the time to find out what’s going on in her mind or in her heart. They just see a little old troublemaker.
I’ve gotten close to Daisy, and she makes me laugh – even when she’s being a pain in my ass.
So, yesterday (Saturday) when I was working and she went off on a tenant / resident on the other side, and then another one outside and I broke up both of those arguments with other women she had issues with, I asked her to please just behave the rest of the day. She was intoxicated, and I already knew what kind of day it was about to be.
My son was working with me yesterday and at one point, I had just come into the office from doing something I needed to do, and he told me that Daisy promised him she was going back to her room, but she just got on the elevator. We knew what that meant, because she was then angry at this tenant / resident on the 2nd floor – for bringing in guests that Daisy says “messed with my family” – as she told me.
She wanted to go upstairs, knock on this other tenant’s door, and start trouble.
Daisy’s room is on the 1st floor, so we knew what was about to happen.
I grabbed my walkie – ran out of the office door and down the hall and jumped into the elevator right before the doors closed.
Imagine Daisy’s surprise when she had her head down, and I jumped in there and yelled, “Surprise!”. 😂
She turned and looked at me, rolled her eyes and her words were, “Oh, what the hell?”.
I asked where she was going.
She named a guy upstairs – that I knew damn well she wasn’t going to see because she knew damn well – that he left a few hours earlier. We both knew where she was headed, so I told her I’d come upstairs with her and she could pretend she was going to see the guy we both know left earlier that day, but we both know who she was really going upstairs to bother.
She started screaming at me and accusing me of protecting “that white woman!”.
Daisy is Native. I told her I protect all women, and I’d protect her as well if someone was messing with her. She just kept yelling and I kept joking around with her to calm her down.
We walked down the hall – right by the guy’s room where she claimed she was going, and as soon as we got in front of the door I knew she was really looking for, I blocked it. She tried to go around me and knock, and I just stood there, so she couldn’t. She asked if I wanted her to throw me down the stairs, and I giggled and told her, “You know…. that’s the 2nd time in the last few weeks you’ve threatened that and I’m still not scared!”.
We stood there for a bit while she tried to get me out of her way, and I tried different ways to get her to come back downstairs with me. We’ve played this game before and she knows I’m not going back downstairs without her, especially when I know why she’s upstairs and looking for someone.
She eventually came back downstairs with me, and sat in the lobby, crying about different things she’s feeling and telling me how much she loves and appreciates my son and I – because she feels like we’re the only staff – (other than two others) – who really give a damn about her. She said the others – don’t give a shit, and she feels that.
I gave her a hug, and she cried in my arms – and then I sent her back to her room and she actually went.
That wasn’t the end of her.
She came out a few more times yesterday to see what she could get into and start, but I handled it every time.
Today – she was better. She didn’t cause as many issues as she did yesterday, but she was still a bit tipsy and still her little firecracker self.
I had to laugh when she called down to the office at the end of my shift – as I was about to leave and said she heard I called her a “ho”. I started laughing because I knew she was trying to start something, but I also knew she was joking around. I told her I could never think that and that she’s too old to be out there even thinking about being a “ho”, so we both laughed. I laughed even more when she asked if I wanted her to teach me how to be a “ho”. I told her I’m too old to be out like that.
Her:No, you’re not! I can teach you!
I laughed even more when my son laughed and said, “She’s trying to be your pimp”.
I love her sense of humor and despite how many headaches she gives me when she misbehaves, and I have to chase her around the damn building to prevent fights with her and others – she’s one hell of a good woman and not a lot of people see that, realize it or try to understand where her anger and attitudes come from.
I have so much on my mind right now, and a hell of a lot on my plate that I’m trying to figure out, but any time I go to work – these people that live in this facility – make my days brighter, happier, and bring me so much joy.
The tenants / residents love me and my son, and we love them right back.
They know we’re going to do whatever we can for them.
They know we’re going to use humor and joke around to make them laugh or calm them down.
They know we’re firm and tough when we need to be, but we have big hearts and we’re also going to be there for them, love on them, and listen – if that’s what they need.
❤️
This morning – as soon as I walked in to work – I saw a ball fly by my feet.
One of the guys who live there – kicked it towards me. I kicked it back towards him, he kicked back – and we had a little game of mini-soccer (?) or kickball – whatever you want to call it. ha. I actually enjoyed it and I wasn’t even clocked in yet. 😊I didn’t need to be.
I love going to work, and this is why I enjoy going there – because it’s fun. It’s stressful sometimes, but there’s always something to smile or laugh about.
He’s on Oxygen though, so he made me laugh when the ball rolled under a desk, and he told me that I had to get it because if he got it, he wasn’t getting back up. He laughed. I laughed and I went to grab it, as he walked away and tried to catch his breath.
He’s one of the ones I always jokingly yell at because he’ll want his alcohol portion, but he won’t eat and he knows the rule is – he has to eat something first. So, during lunch today, he looked at the clock and told me, “I guess it’s time to feed the garbage can!”. He knew darn well he was about to throw his food away and at least he was honest about it.
There’s another female tenant / resident there – who will come down early in the mornings when I’m there, and she’ll just sit and have coffee with me. We’ll just chat about anything and everything going on in the facility and laugh – as we share some stories from our younger years, and our high school days – (mine in Chicago and hers here in Minnesota) – or we’ll talk about our families, and so on.
I think a lot of dealing with the facility I work in and the stress and the need to be on high alert all the time – is just knowing their personalities, how to deal with each one in their own ways if something pops off, and having that trust between me and each of them, and that’s what I make sure I have.
I want them to know that they can trust me, and while sometimes I have to be tough, meet them on their levels and match their energies, for the most part – I’m understanding, kind, and do my best to just be there for them because a lot of them – have never had that love and trust in their lives. 💕 A lot of them don’t have people who care.
Still, I’m so grateful that no matter what I have on my mind on any given day – I forget it all when I go to work, and they make me laugh, or I’m trying to de-escalate a situation and make someone else laugh.
I’ve said it before – I do love my job!
I also giggled yesterday when Daisy was on a roll with her little rants, and she told me, “Go ahead and call the cops on me like everyone else does!”. I told her I would never call the cops on her – unless they were hot. She looked at me and yelled, “Those are the worst ones!!!!”. 🤔 🤣 Oh, my little Daisy!
In other news………………….
I have boxes all over my living room because I’ve been packing and trying to decide what I want to sell of give away.
I have literally April and a few weeks in May to find a place and I still haven’t, so my stress is high.
I thought about just telling the landlord we plan to stay for another year, but my older son and I had a talk the other day and we said a lot of our stress and our sadness comes from being so far from home. From family, friends and familiar places. From not having many opportunities out here in Minnesota and being in such a small town – where everything shuts down at dusk!
We laughed when we agreed it would be nice to be closer to or in IL. again – so we have a variety of stores and places to eat – all close together and didn’t have to travel miles for it. Where we have many different hospitals all close by and don’t have to drive hours for different ones. Where everything stays open late or all night long.
Where there’s streetlights and places to go, things to see and do.
So, while I’ve thought about maybe staying here for another year, we talked and we agreed we absolutely should not do that, and it would be bad for our mental health and each other.
I know he misses his friends and being able to go out with people he knows – to places he knows, and I know damn well I miss everyone back home and just feeling free to not have to drive 3 hours to go shopping or see a movie or do something fun.
I want to be somewhere where not everybody knows everybody else and where people know to mind their own business because here – that’s not the case. Everyone is in everyone’s business.
I hate it here.
As much as I thought about it for a bit, I also know that I’m not happy here. My kids aren’t happy here and it’s time to go. Still, the headache of finding a place is weighing on me, and it’s time to get going with the process.
Moving sucks.
The packing. The looking for movers or doing it all on our own. The finding a place and signing a new lease. The unpacking. It’s all a big migraine, but it has to be done and in the next few weeks, I’ll be starting the entire process.
I’d love to sit here and write so much more, but my little dude wants to go to bed, and he likes when I hang out in his room and talk to him until he falls asleep. He’s begging me to go chill with him, so I’m ending it here.
Today’s WP writing prompt is to describe my dream home.
I just talked to a realtor yesterday about this, because I’m looking to buy in the near future, and I’ve had a team of people I plan to work with when I’m ready.
I don’t even need a huge house. I could find a one-story ranch style house and be so happy with it, as long as it comes with the things I’ve always wanted in a home.
My “wants” are simple.
My dream home has to have a decent-sized backyard for BBQs and get-togethers with friends, my kids and their friends, family, etc. I’d love to have a big tree in the backyard – for a treehouse to be built. If you know me personally, you’ll know I’ve always wanted a treehouse.
FOR ME. NOT THE KIDS. 🤣
It would be my own personal space to write or to just run to for silence. It would be my own personal space to hang out in – a glass or two of wine late at night, look up at the stars and just think. It would be my own personal “happy place”.
My dream home would have a beautiful kitchen with tons of kitchen cabinet and counter space because I love to cook and bake. One thing I’ve always wanted – is a beautiful kitchen island right in the middle. My aunt and uncle have one and I absolutely love that. It also has tons of cabinets and space to store dishes, pans, etc. Something like theirs – would be lovely.
My dream home would have a finished basement, and that would either be my older son’s room until he moves out – because he’s always talking about having a “man cave” – or – I’d totally get a pool table and a few video games and turn it into a little gaming area for the kids and their friends. The gaming systems would definitely be down there, so if the boys want to yell and scream at their games – it’s all done in the basement, and I can close the door and tune them out. ha.
They take their gaming seriously, so they could use their own spot to do it in.
The washer and dryer I’ve always wanted – would be in a little laundry room space that I can decorate my way. I’ve always wanted one of those fancy washer and dryers that make a beautiful noise when they’re done. 😁 I always say when I buy a house, those are my first purchases for it.
I also want to make sure there’s tons of natural sunlight.
The apartment I have now – faces the parking lot, and there’s barely any sunlight coming in. I want a house with tons of windows all around that let in the sunlight.
When I was talking to the realtor yesterday, I let her know all of this and she then said, “With three kids, I’m sure you want two bathrooms”. I never thought of that, and it never really mattered to me, but yes – that would be perfect!
I don’t know if I’ll ever get everything I want in a house, because I’ve looked at some beautiful homes while planning to move this summer from where I am now, but if I absolutely love a house, I always find something wrong with it. I don’t like the kitchen, or the yard, or the small rooms. I’ve searched plenty of houses over the last few days and something always throws off the whole vibe and makes me say, “This isn’t the one!”. I’m picky – I know – and right now, I don’t have time to be picky.
So, while I may not buy a house right now, this would be my dream home description for the near future.
While we’re on the subject of houses and a dream home –
I have searched so many apartments and homes in different areas and even different states the last few days, because the deadline is fast approaching when I’d like to have something locked in, secured and ready to move into when we leave here. I want to have something ready by May 1st at least, so when May 31st rolls around, I’ll be cleaning up this place we’re in now, making sure it’s good for the next tenants, and having the last walk-through done.
I have friends and family out in IL. keeping their eyes open for apartments and homes, and we’ll see what happens.
I have been searching as well, and I leave our next place – all in God’s hands.
The search has been a headache and that’s what I’ve done all day – everyday sometimes, but I believe that we will be alright and we will get to move closer to home – as we want to.
****
WALMART AND VALENTINE’S DAY!
Other than the moving and my dream home thing, I have been preparing for Valentine’s Day.
My little dude’s class is having a party, and the teacher sent home a list of students in the class.
One thing I do every year and have fully enjoyed – is making up little goody bags or gift buckets for almost every holiday, and V-day is no different. I made up little baggies filled with pencil sharpeners, bubbles, cute stampers, heart-shaped rings, stickers, and little cute ducks. There’s some other stuff in them as well, and I’ll also be putting candy in them.
I love seeing the looks on their curious little faces when we bring goodies in for his class, and they get excited.
I’ll be bringing in Cupcakes and juice boxes, and a few gifts for some teachers and his as well.
While I was at Walmart yesterday morning grabbing party favors for these little goody bags, I was also looking for V-day cards for little dude to pass out to his class.
Many of them only had 16 in it, and there’s 18 kids. I didn’t want to buy another whole box of 16 – for just 2, so I was looking for a box of cards with 24 or 32 in them – even if we’d have some left over. If I could just buy one box and get it over with – it’s easier.
I ended up asking a woman who worked there and was trying to organize the V-day Isle she was in – if they have a box of 24 cards by any chance or if there’s more in another isle.
She turned to me and I realized she was the same woman that was at the self-checkout line during Halloween when we went in there for face paint. She’s mentally challenged and has a disability where she can’t talk very clearly, but she’s such a sweetheart. We said hello to each other, and we started talking about the party my son was having in his class.
She tried helping me find a box of 24 or 32, and I found one on my own – grabbing some Monster truck cards. A box of 32.
I thanked her for her help and walked to the next isle over to start picking out party favors. She walked over to that isle, showed me another choice of Hot wheel V-day cards, and asked if I wanted those instead. I thanked her but told her I think I’d stick with the Monster trucks, and I kind of giggled when she said, “Can you afford both?”. I politely thanked her and told her I didn’t want both, so she went to put the Hot wheels cards back. I felt bad and thanked her, again.
As I was looking through party favors, she came back over to me and asked if I had a boyfriend or husband. I told her no. I said it was just me and my kids. She said, “I don’t have a boyfriend or husband, either”. I hoped she wasn’t trying to flirt or go somewhere with that – or I’d have to find a very nice way to turn her down – but thankfully, she just started giving me some really cool words of wisdom.
She told me how us single women have to treat ourselves to something on Valentine’s Day, and that it’s more than okay to buy something for ourselves. We don’t need a man to buy anything for us. She said she’s going to buy herself some flowers, and I told her what a beautiful idea that was and said I may treat myself to some as well – along with some chocolate and coffee.
She said women have to work on themselves first, and make sure we feel good about ourselves, and when we’re not even looking – the right man will come along and love us the way we deserve to be loved. 💕 Listen. Don’t let nobody tell you that people with disabilities or those who are mentally challenged – have anything wrong with them, because sometimes – they are the kindest, sweetest, smartest people you will ever meet!
She spoke the truth and I loved what she was saying.
I already know all of that because I preach it all myself, and I agree with all of it.
If you’re a woman – and you’re single – go treat yourself to something fun, or nice. New haircut, new nails, Bath N’ body works goodies, New Victoria Secret goodies, flowers, chocolate, coffee, time with friends – whatever makes you happy and makes you feel good – you don’t need a man to spoil you on V-day. YOU spoil you! Men included… if you’re single – go have fun and enjoy doing something for yourselves.
We chatted for a bit about the fun parts of being single, and treating ourselves to nice things on Valentine’s Day, and then – I had to tell her to “have a nice day”, for the 5th time – and get out of there because if not, she would have stood there and talked all day, and while I didn’t mind – I really had to get out of Walmart and run other errands.
She really is a sweetheart. I enjoy talking to her whenever she’s around Walmart, but I had to go.
After getting Elijah’s goody bag things, I ran a few isles over to grab food for my daughter’s bunny.
On the way to pay – I stopped at the little girl’s section and picked out some cute things for my new niece, Ella.
I know Ella was born weeks ago, and I’ve said before that the mother wants nothing to do with my brother, but I’m hoping by sending Ella some cute things, her mother will reach out to me and let me have a relationship with my niece. I want to know my niece. I should know my niece and my niece should know she has a whole family on her dad’s side – who will love the heck out of her and be there for her. So, I’m hoping when she receives these gifts, her mother reaches out to me, and we can have a civil conversation.
Even if she wants nothing to do with my brother, and he has to handle that in court to see his daughter, I’d like to do it the easy way and see if she’ll allow me to be a part of Ella’s life. I love Ella as much as I love my nephews, T.J. and Matthew – even if Ella and I – haven’t met yet.
So, I grabbed a few adorable things for Ella.
💕
💕
💕
Here’s hoping that Auntie gets to meet her soon and have a relationship with her – if her mother allows.
DINNER AND A MOVIE:
Moving on……………
My youngest son asked if we could watch a movie a few months ago and he picked out ZOOTOPIA.
It was such a funny and cute movie, and I absolutely loved it! 💕
Nick and Judy (Carrots – as he nicknamed her) – are hilarious together and I love the bond they create between them.
If you and your kids haven’t seen it yet, I totally recommend checking it out, or even by yourself if you’re looking for a funny movie to watch, and don’t mind cartoon-ish movies.
So, Saturday – when my little guy asked if we could go to the movies and see ZOOTOPIA 2 – I said “no” at first.
My other kids had eye doctor appointments, the movie place we go to is an hour 1/2 away, and I was tired.
However – I kind of wanted to see part 2, and he said it was really good.
He and his class went to see it, so I figured, “Why not?”. My older kids actually wanted to go see it as well – which was surprising because they’re 23, and 17 – so, we went to their eye doctor appointments and went to see the movie.
We got to the area early, so we stopped and grabbed something to eat at a nice restaurant and all we did inside – was laugh and laugh and laugh. We had so much fun talking, joking around, and making each other laugh harder than normal, but we had a blast. I kept trying to get my kids to lower their voices or be quiet because there were others around us, and while the restaurant was mainly empty – people were still looking at us – as we laughed, couldn’t stop, and enjoyed our time out together.
At one point, we had stopped laughing long enough to eat, but my older son had us laughing again when he giggled and said to my daughter, “I like how you ordered Chocolate chip pancakes you had a taste for so much, but you’re digging into moms Biscuits and Gravy”. 🤣She kept reaching her fork over – picking at my food. We haven’t laughed that much in such a long time, and it was nice – even if others were looking at us and thought we were too loud.
When we got back in the car, I joked that I couldn’t take them anywhere, and they joked that they are DRIVE-THRU kids and not SIT-DOWN-IN-RESTAURANT kids. I didn’t mind though because they were having fun and enjoying themselves.
SPOILER ALERT!!!!!
I don’t want to spoil anything, so if you haven’t seen ZOOTOPIA 2 yet – you can scroll past this, but I will say that I absolutely love the part where Nick finally opens up to “Carrots”, she finally opens up to him, and they quickly proceed to tell each other their problems and so on, so they could better understand each other in the future and why they have the personalities they do. 🤗 When Nick admits he doesn’t want to lose Judy and that he’s grown to care about her – such a cute moment in the movie.
See part 1 first, and then go see Part 2.
I promise – you won’t be disappointed.
So….
Between getting ready for Valentine’s Day stuff, preparing to get boxes and bins and move, looking for places to move to, getting ready for my daughter’s “lasts” in high school – and preparing for tons of other things – I haven’t had time to sit down and write, so here I am – now that I have a moment to myself.
SENIOR ASSASSIN:
My daughter has started SENIOR ASSASSIN – as I’ve mentioned before. Her and the class of 2026 are now playing and the rules are – you can’t get anyone while they’re at work or school, and if they have their goggles on, they’re safe.
They all have an app they downloaded for Seniors everywhere – who play this game at the end of the year, and it shows all of their locations, so my daughter downloaded that, and she’s been begging me to find her goggles – so she doesn’t get assassinated.
You all know her friends call me “mom”, and I call them my “adopted babies”, so two of her other friends didn’t have goggles, either.
I ended up ordering a 3-pack online from Menards yesterday because no other stores have their summer gear (including goggles) out yet.
I took my daughter and her friend with me to pick them up yesterday, and we all laughed when they came back out to the car after picking them up from the order pick up section and showing me that I ordered goggles for toddlers 3 and up. 🤣 Oops! We went around to the front and I parked, so we could go inside and exchange them for goggles their size.
I was told from Customer service – that if we go to Hardware – they could show us a box of goggles we can pick from.
We found some in the summer section they were setting up, and we grabbed a 3-pack their size, but we also wanted to see what other goggles they had, so we were led upstairs by three associates. I didn’t even know Menards had an upstairs, but I guess that’s where their storage area is, and customers are allowed. (No children). We went up there, and they looked for goggles, but all they had was the ones out on the floor already, which was fine because my daughter and her friend got what they needed, and now – they’re wearing these goggles everywhere outside of school – to be safe.
They’re also carrying their gel blaster guns with them everywhere – in case they see someone outside of school and want to get them before they get “got”. haha.
I love that my daughter is participating because these are memories that she’ll remember forever.
I had to laugh because once Senior Assassin started last week – one teenage boy I’ll call “J” – quickly took out a few classmates, and he eliminated one at the gas station – as he snuck up behind the truck and shot gel blasters into the open window. “J” is sneaky, and he’s the only one that has gotten others out so far, so to be funny – the organizer of this Senior assassin game – called for a BOUNTY to be put on “J’s” head, and anyone can look for him and get him.
I joked that that’s the first one my daughter and her friends should locate and go for once they get goggles.
If Seniors want to follow other Senior’s home and get them – it’s fair game, so now – my daughter is on high alert and told me I better bring her goggles and gun everywhere if I pick her up from school to go anywhere. lol.
I love that she’s making memories, and I’ll forever look back and cherish these times as well – as a parent.
My other two older kids never did these things / events in high school, so it makes me smile to know she’s enjoying her last few months before graduation.
🤗
Dress Shopping:
I took her out of school early today, so we could go dress shopping for her Winter formal coming up.
Everything closes by 5 or 6 out here, so it had to be done early.
We went to a place that has tons of formal dresses for great prices, but unfortunately – she tried on five dresses and none of them fit her, so she walked out of the store disappointed.
We went over to J.C. Penney, and they had a very small selection, so we left there and I caved and went to a Bridal / prom shop.
I knew their prices were going to be outrageous – just by the looks of their dresses, and I was right.
Their dresses start at $250, so the beautiful Indian woman who works there – asked me what my price range was. I told her I wasn’t trying to spend more than $100 or so, but I was willing to see what I could play around with because it was for my daughter and I wanted her to be happy.
I explained that this is her last as a Senior, and she graduates this year, so I want this to be extra special for her.
She asked what my daughter was looking for – a short or long dress. My daughter said short. I looked at the lady and told her, “Not too short”. She surprised me when she told me that she had a mother of a teenager come in and ask if a really short dress her daughter tried on – could be made even shorter. Not me, lady! I want my daughter to look beautiful, in a modestly short dress. Again – not too short. lol.
She asked my daughter what she envisions her perfect dress to look like and what color. My daughter told her she’ll try any colors except pink and purple. My daughter also told the lady she wants a sparkly dress.
The lady grabbed two black dresses and told my daughter to follow her. She asked if my daughter wanted to try to them on, and she said yes. I will say I laughed a bit when the lady kept asking my daughter if she could come in and see how it looked every 5 minutes, and my daughter told her, “I don’t even have it past my bra yet!”. The lady told her for the best fit – she should take her bra off and try dresses on.
So, seven dresses later – the lady brought my daughter a red dress. This poor lady kept going back and forth with my daughter saying no to the first few dresses. The lady was a very patient, and she and I talked a bit as my daughter tried these dresses on. The first red dress she tried on – she came out onto the stand area and looked at herself in the mirrors as the lady fixed the back of that dress. My daughter claimed to like it – but a mother knows better.
I know better….so – when the lady walked away to grab one more dress, I whispered, “Do you really like that one? Don’t make me buy it if you know you don’t like it!”. My daughter whispered, “No!”. See? A mother knows!
The last red dress she tried on, she was absolutely in love with and said she couldn’t stop looking at herself. 😁
She told me a few times she loves that dress, and she even took a photo of herself in the dress – in the mirrors.
That’s how I knew she was being truthfully about loving the last dress she tried on.
It was a little big on the top area, but the lady took down notes on the alterations she had to make.
This dress was one of the $250 dresses, but the lady told me she’d give it to me for $160. I told her she didn’t have to do that, but we were talking about how crazy this economy is, and how happy I just wanted my daughter to be, so I did appreciate her kind gesture, and she made sure I only paid $160.
30 minutes after we left the shop – the lady called and said the alterations were done, so I’m going to pick up the dress in the morning.
As I paid, I smiled because while I could have really used that money – my daughter was so happy, excited, and it made me feel good.
She had me laughing in the car when she said she felt like she was on that show, “Say Yes to the Dress!”. She said she was just waiting for the cameras to come out. ha.
While my daughter was trying on dresses, the lady said she had a mother and daughter who came in there a few days ago, and the mother purchased a $1,400 – quince dress for the daughter, and a $1,600 dress for herself for her 25th wedding anniversary.
I can’t wrap my head around why people would pay so much for dresses, shoes, purses, etc. I’m okay with the little things in life, as long as they’re comfortable and look cute.
I’ve never been the type to need or want the “finer things in life”. My mother and grandmother always taught me to be humble and be happy with what I have because some people would love to have what I have. That has stuck with me all through my life. 💕
As we were walking out of the shop, I couldn’t imagine paying $1,400-$1,600 for a dress for one night, and I thought about weddings and how much those big ones – cost. How much Bridal gowns cost, and I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again – if – big if – I ever get married again, I want something simple. Something low-key. Something relaxing – that doesn’t drain our bank accounts.
Listen.
I think I made this long enough, and as always – if you were interested enough to get through this long post and made it to the end, I love you so much.
I’m enjoying a glass or two of wine, so I hope all of you have a fantastic night, and I’ll be back before the weekend.
I’ve spent days looking on different websites for houses and apartments – just to see what’s out there right now and how much everything is.
I’ve looked all over Duluth and different other areas of Minnesota with more varieties of things. I know I said I wanted to leave Minnesota for good, but I just wanted to see what else is out there – in a bigger area maybe.
I’ve looked all over different cities in Wisconsin, which is where we’re thinking about moving – once we leave here, and I’ve looked all over different parts of IL. (Suburbs of course!).
Just for fun, I happened to look at places in the area I grew up in – out in Chicago, and I was surprised to see that the building my best friend lived in while we were growing up – (one block over from the house I grew up in) – was for rent. I got excited and thought it was the 3rd floor where she and her family lived all those years ago when we were little, but it was the ground floor. The basement.
I was about to message the landlord there and tell him I’ll take it and hold it for me – if it was the 3rd floor.
I LOVED her 3rd floor apartment, and when we were growing up – we had so much fun there.
It’s on a dead-end street right by the railroad tracks.
The railroad tracks are on the same level as the 3rd floor, so from her bedroom window back then, we could see the trains passing so closely, and the people in it. We used to hang out the window and wave at the people, and sometimes – they’d wave back if the train was moving slow enough for them to see us. 😁
I can’t even begin to tell you the number of baseballs, soccer balls, tennis balls, etc. – we lost over the fence right by those tracks when we played on this street as kids.
Those front windows on the 3rd floor – led to their living room – where we spent hours playing video games. The good old school ones.
Back then – we loved KRIS KROSS. (The teenage rap group with Chris Kelly and Chris Smith). If you know the song “JUMP”, you know who they are, but they had so many other great songs as well, and they were known for wearing their clothes backwards.
It was in this building – 3rd floor – that her dad lied to us, and said Kris Kross worked with him. We were stupid enough to believe him, so we asked him to bring them home one day.
He said he’d invite them over or to dinner. Every time he’d come home from work, and they weren’t with him, he’d smile at us and tell us they had to work late, or they had to go to the studio after work to record. He’d tell us, “Next weekend”, or that they had to fly back home to see family for a while.
Eventually, my best friend asked, “You don’t really work with them, do you?”, and he laughed – telling us, “You two are the idiots who believed me!”. lol. We believed him for months.
It was this building where her mom would hang out the back window and scream at us to put our jackets and gloves on – as we took them off often in the Winter – to slide down big snow hills in the alley.
This building is the only one my grandparents let me go to when I was younger – because it was right on the next block, and I could easily cut through yards to get there. My grandparents used to watch my brother and I – when our parents were at work.
I had so many good times on that block and on that 3rd floor in this building.
So, when I saw it was for rent – I got a little excited. I then saw that it wasn’t the 3rd floor.
It was still nice to see the building online. I’d love to see what the 3rd floor looks like now.
With that being said – I’m finding so many cute places that are so expensive, and many of the decent-priced places don’t allow pets.
We have my little guys cat, my older son’s dog, and my daughter’s bunny.
Part of me wishes I could find a cabin home or a resort type of place that did year-long leases, because I’d totally love to live on the lake.
One place I absolutely love – is my aunt and uncle’s old house and last I heard – that’s an Airbnb now. I wonder if the new owners would rent that out, although I’m pretty sure it’d be crazy expensive.
I want to buy a house, but I may just wait on that right now.
Still, hunting for rentals or houses is exhausting and I know my time is limited, so it has to go fast.
I’ve found a few really cool places with bookshelves built into the wall, and I’d love something like that. I love to read and I have all kinds of books.
I would like something with natural sunlight and tons of windows, with lots of kitchen counter and cabinet, and a back yard as well, so I’ve just been saving the ones I love and hope they’re still available when it’s time to get out of here.
I am also starting to pack up and get ready to make things easier when it is time to move, so we don’t have anything to do – except load everything into a moving truck. A friend of mine told me it’s much easier to rent a U-Haul and drive it – rather than pay thousands for moving companies, but me driving a U-Haul – there’s no guarantee the truck is getting there in one piece.
I plan to maybe have my brother come out here and drive it for us. He used to drive Semi’s all over, so he’s used to those big trucks.
Anyway – little giggle for you today because I always try to make you smile at least……………
My 9-year-old needed empty cereal boxes for a cute project his class is working on for Valentine’s Day – so, I took the cereal bags out of two boxes and gave him the boxes. There was a Coco-puff in one of the boxes, and I meant to take it out yesterday before I sent him to school.
I totally forgot.
Last night, I told him I forgot to take that one Coco-puff out, and he tells me, “It’s okay! I saw it and ate it. I never let a perfectly good Coco-puff go to waste!”. I laughed so hard. 😂
Well, okay then kid! ha.
I have nothing else for you today. I’m sorry.
This is going to be short and sweet. I just wanted to talk a bit about my best friend’s house and the basement being for rent now.
I miss that place and again, if it was the 3rd floor – I may have taken it.
We met in 2nd grade, and I believe from 2nd grade – all the way through 6th, she lived there and it was my favorite place to be.
Love you and please pray that I find the perfect place – in the perfect area, and it’s a fast and easy move-in process because when I leave here at the end of May, I just want to go straight to our new home, unpack and relax. 💕
While I want to get out of the state – worst case scenario – is that we end up moving 30 minutes to an hour away and try to get out of this state again next year.
I just want to get the hell out of this itty-bitty little town at least, and out of this building.
I’ve been so busy and so tired – trying to get ready for so many new beginnings.
The end and beginnings of new things, actually.
Graduation:
As many of you know, my youngest daughter graduates from high school in a few short months, so we’re in the final stretch of getting ready for that.
She’s been taking yearbook photos, turning in her last major assignments – including a big History project her and her friend just worked on here at our place, and she’s now searching for dresses. One for Winter formal coming up in a few weeks, and one for graduation. 💕
Senior assassin has started, and she made me laugh when she said she’s not going to be “out and about” with me – without her goggles on. Rules are – keep your location ON – (because these Seniors download an app where they can all see each other’s locations), and if they see each other “out and about” and they have goggles on their eyes, they’re considered “safe”.
If they have their goggles around their necks, hanging out of their pockets, in their hands, etc. – any other senior can assassinate them. She kept telling me I needed to get her goggles, and we’re doing that today and then – she’ll turn her location on. I told her she’s cheating, and that’s what she told me.
That she’s not going to be seen “out and about” with no goggles on. lol.
I’m just enjoying these last few months of her being in high school, and I’m not trying to rush anything.
The entire class of 2026 had a graduation song picked out, but after my daughter heard it, I was so proud when she spoke up and said that song had nothing to do with graduating, so another girl asked if they should change it. Many of the class members said yes, and agreed with my daughter, so eventually – after going through different songs, they decided on the song “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac.
Dude. I cried in my living room when she told me that, and she laughed at me.
That’s one song that always makes me cry, and knowing it’s going to be played at her graduation – I’m going to lose it. Anyone want to donate boxes of tissue? lmao. Kidding! I’ll already have a bunch of tissues with me.
That part where it says, “Well, I’ve been ‘fraid of changin’ – ’cause I’ve built my whole life around you, but time makes you bolder, children get older, and I’m getting older, too!” – gets me every time.
For so many years – I’ve built my whole life around my kids, and now that they’re getting older, I know eventually – I’ll have to find “me” again, and who I am.
So, as we prepare for graduation and do everything she has to do before that day – my mama heart is so happy and excited for that day coming up, and my mama heart is a little sad because I remember when we moved to Minnesota and she started 7th grade here. I look at her pictures of when she was growing up, and my mama heart remembers every single memory from every single photo in her younger years.
She just made “A honor roll” for 2nd quarter and she was on it for the 1st quarter as well.
I’m so proud of the young lady she is becoming, who she wants to be in the future, and all the goals and plans she has for herself after high school.
There’s a trend on TIKTOK going around where it says, “So proud of my daughter because her high school years look so different than mine”, and I smile at that trend. In high school – at the age of 17, I was pregnant with my first child and had my first child at 18. Kailani at 17 – doesn’t want any kids until she’s older, is talking about becoming a paramedic, and moving to California one day.
She didn’t follow in my footsteps, and I’m so happy because of that. She did so much better than I did in high school, and she didn’t make the same mistakes, so it does my mama heart good that she is becoming so successful. 🤗
As she finishes high school, picks her college or certification program after and becomes who she wants to be in life, it’s bitter-sweet to see her getting older, growing so fast, maturing and doing so many great things.
With that being said, I will also say that I’m so proud of me for getting two college degrees in Criminal Justice (Associate and Bachelors) – and while I didn’t get to fly to Vegas for my graduations, I do plan to purchase the cap and gown soon, take my honors tassels I was sent, get my National Society of Leadership and Success gear, and hire a photographer to take some graduation photos for me, because I didn’t do that, either.
I want to.
I think it’d be fun and it’s something I can cherish for life.
Photos my kids can cherish and look at – to be proud of their mom when I’m no longer here on this earth.
To know that if I was able to finish two degrees as a single working mom with bills and all the craziness of life – they could and should aim just as high and do many great things in this life, because if I can do it, they can too!
So, yes – I want that college graduate photo shoot soon – maybe this summer – and hell, maybe if I order my cap and gown now from the college I graduated from, my youngest daughter and I – can decorate our caps together.
Maybe we can take graduation photos together.
******
New place:
With my daughter about to graduate, I’m also looking for a new place and getting ready to get out of this small-little town.
That too – is going to be bitter-sweet, but as much as my heart and mind have battled about staying here or getting the hell out of here, I know we have to get the hell out of here.
I’ve said this before.
There’s no variety of anything here. No variety of food places, no fun activities for families, no great job opportunities – especially not in my field.
My daughter hates going into the stores we do have because this place is so small – everyone knows everyone or everyone is related to everyone and she hates running into people from school. My older son misses all his friends back home and he’s been in a bit of a depression since we lost my oldest child, and he has nobody to hang out with here. He’s made a few friends, but they weren’t the best, so he’s ready to get the hell out of here.
Not to mention – that there’s really no jobs for him out here – where he can advance and really do well.
It’s mostly fast food, a few small grocery stores, and retail, and he wants to do something else at the age of 23.
Me? I’m lost out here.
I miss my friends and family, familiar places back home and not having to drive hours and hours for good stores, good food and fun things to do. I’m tired of wasting gas and going miles and miles for the doctor or hospital, and main stores. So, it will be a blessing to move somewhere bigger and better – and somewhere a little closer to home – where everything and everyone is closer.
I did tell my landlord we will probably be out by the end of May because rent is going up here in the building, and while he’s already raised rent for others, he has kept mine the same because of the fact that he knows I want to be out of here when my daughter graduates. So, when I signed my new lease, we agreed he would do the lease until May and keep me at the same price – but if I wanted to stay and ended up being here in June, it would go up to $1,000 a month like everyone else.
This building is NOT worth that much monthly, and nothing is updated. Nothing gets fixed right away, and I’ve had so many issues in this building, it’s time to go.
He messaged me today and asked if I think I can be out by May 1st, because he found someone to take the apartment. I told him my daughter doesn’t graduate until the end of May. He messaged me back and said he’ll tell the people they can move in – June 1st then.
I laughed because NEVER did I say we were definitely moving, and I know he doesn’t like to have empty apartments here, so he tries to fill them as fast as he can, but he never even asked if I was sure I was moving – before he “found someone to take the apartment”.
Yes, we will be out because trust me when I say – I’ve never been happier to leave a place – than I am leaving this one, but at the same time – it holds so many great and fun memories, that I will cry when the apartment is empty and we’re on to new beginnings and new memories in a new place this year. 🥺 This is the last place I saw my oldest child before she was killed.
We celebrated her 21st birthday in this apartment. She drew a smiley face on the wall that night and I haven’t touched it.
We’ve had many great Christmas’s here, and late-night talks in the kitchen when my kids and I couldn’t sleep and we just laughed so much together in the middle of the night.
This apartment holds a piece of my heart, and although I’ll be so happy to see the moving truck in the driveway and the last items going into the truck to get the hell out of here, I plan to ask to have 5 minutes alone in here – and just let out all the emotions of leaving the place we’ve lived in – for 6 years now.
All the memories and good times. All the funny moments. All the laughter.
Saying goodbye to somewhere you’ve lived for so long is never easy – and while you know it’s the best thing for you and your family, it’s still so hard to do.
As the time approaches to the day that I know I’ll stand in each empty room and cry, I am so thankful for every moment we’ve had here.
I was telling a friend today about the landlord already having new people ready to take over June 1st, and that I didn’t even give him a full answer if I was moving or not, and we laughed about it, but she made a good point. She told me, “Shel, you’ve been fighting with yourself about if you’re making the right choice moving or not, and maybe this is God’s way of pushing you out of there – to somewhere better”. I agree. Maybe.
I’m a little scared. I must admit.
So many changes are about to happen, and I just pray God guides us and makes every decision I make for me and my kids – great ones.
I can only hope I’m doing the right thing by getting us out of Minnesota and somewhere closer to home. Around those we love and know. Around places we love and know. Am I going directly back into Chicago? Absolutely not, but am I going closer? Totally. Wisconsin / IL. border is perfect, and I just hope that our new place – our new lives there – are beautiful.
I’ve been looking for a place recently because the first thing I want to do when taxes come in – is drop the money on a place I love, so little by little – we can start taking our things we don’t need or use right now – to the new place, and so when my daughter does graduate – we already have a place to move to, and that will be one thing off my mind.
*****
New Niece:
I must also tell you all that my new niece was born last month.
Her mother did name her “Ella” like her and my brother planned before they broke up, and she’s the cutest thing.
If I did mention that in another post already, my bad. If not – there ya go!
I feel like she looks just like my brother, but just to be sure – since this girl refuses to talk to my brother – he did hire a lawyer to the whole DNA testing and to make sure he has visitations with his daughter.
Hell, I want to message this girl and tell her, “Let me see my niece!”. However, I know it has to be done the legal way, and I’m not trying to get my brother in any kind of trouble or issues with this girl. If it is his kid, I hope I get to see her soon, and with me being closer to home this summer if all goes well, I look forward to babysitting, seeing my niece often, and being in her life.
I hope and pray that my brother gets to be in her life – even if his ex wants nothing to do with him.
I look forward to seeing my nephews and taking them more, and I know for sure that my brother’s ex-wife (different woman) – will be more than happy to get a break and hand my nephews over to me. 🤗
Being an Auntie of possibly three now – that’s another new change and I’m excited about that.
*****
New career:
With the new opportunities that I feel like moving somewhere bigger is going to bring, I’m excited to start looking for jobs in Probation.
I have no idea if that’s the direction God will bring me in, but I also know so many other places and people that have connections to get me in wherever I decide to go. I know that my degrees, my knowledge, my skills, my experience – will lead me to the right job as well, and I leave it in God’s hands.
Even if I don’t end up doing my dream job of probation – wherever I go, I just want to know I’m making a difference in lives of those who don’t have anyone, who need help, or someone to care – and that I can do whatever I can to make them feel loved and cared for. That I can help them change their lives.
Even if I can’t save them all. 💕
So, I’m looking forward to many more opportunities than there are out here, and to a new career – even though – again, it’s going to be bitter-sweet to leave where I am now because I’ve gotten to know and love all of my tenants at my job, and they love the heck out of me and my son – who also works there with me.
I do plan to give my number to some of them, so they can keep in touch, call me whenever they’re having a tough time or just want to talk, and to keep in contact with them to know how they’re all doing.
I’m going to miss them dearly when I move.
I hate getting attached to people.
The goodbyes are always heartbreaking.
Some changes are great, and some are great – AND sad.
but………………………….
When I tell you that I’m so much looking forward to family saying, “Come on over”, and I can say, “Be there in an hour or so” – I totally mean that. When friends call and say they’re coming over, or “let’s go do something fun”, I can say, “Let’s go!”, and mean that. I do look forward to being around those I’ve missed for so long and haven’t seen in forever.
And yet again…
Leaving those I’ve met in Minnesota that have become such a huge part of my life – is tough.
I’ve met some amazing people out here, and I hope and pray we all keep in contact, and maybe I’ll come back and visit them here once-in-a-while.
There’s so many things that are going to break me and make me cry when I leave this small town, and there’s so many things that are going to make me smile when I move closer to home – that all these changes are like a Win-lose situation. Ah.
I hate changes sometimes, but again – they can be so beautiful as well.
So, there’s lots of changes coming and I just hope everything goes smoothly.
****Laugh with me****
Other than all the changes – my car was finally fixed. Yes, Maggie got taken care of.
I took the car in last week after months of issues with it and fining out it was the Timing chain, a sensor and Spark plugs.
I got it back the same day, and it was running beautifully for that day and the next, but when I went to pick the kids up from school, it sounded like it started, and whenever I hit the “push to start” button, it kept sounding like it restarted, but it wouldn’t go anywhere. I could put it into different gears, and it wouldn’t do anything.
It smelled highly of gasoline, and the battery light was on, and that wasn’t on before I sent it for service.
I called the mechanic who did the Timing chain, sensor and Spark plugs, and he came right over because he’s only a few blocks down.
He lifted the hood, checked it out and told me – (while kind of laughing) – “Your Fuel Pump went” …………………..(and he made an exploding sound with his mouth).
EXCUSE ME, SIR?!
First of all, it’s not funny, so why are you smirking? 2nd, YOU did the work, so what did you mess up that my fuel pump is bad now?
I wasn’t blaming him. You know I use humor in bad situations, and it helps me not scream my lungs out. ha.
Humor helps me keep my sanity. lol.
I joked that he did the work, and I wondered if he messed it up, so I’d have to come back and give him more money.
He said he has no idea why, but it came off or wasn’t connected, and he ended up connecting it or whatever he did and said it should be fine now. He said I may need a new fuel pump eventually, maybe not. It may be a fuel leak, maybe not. It is – or it isn’t?!!!! It needs to be replaced, or it doesn’t.
I don’t want to hear all those “maybes”.
He said if I had any further issues, bring it back – but now my check engine light is on. So, I have to bring it back to him anyway, but the car is running so much better than it was before the Timing chain and all the other stuff was taken care of, and for that – I’m grateful.
I just pray it’s nothing else, because I don’t need any more headaches with this damn car.
Maybe I just need to marry a mechanic.
You have to laugh and keep your sense of humor or life will drive you crazy.
In other news….
My older son has taken to calling me “Little Rockstar” now. lmfao.
I have no idea why or how that started, but I guess it’s because I do so much, and rock it – make things look so easy – and handle my business both at work and at home. He has started saying things like, “You got this, Little Rockstar”, or “You go Little Rockstar”. He’ll say things like, “I know you can do this, Little Rockstar!”, and “Look at you go, Little Rockstar!”.
He makes me laugh every time he says something with Little Rockstar in it, but it also makes me smile because it’s his own little personal nickname for me now. 😁 I don’t mind it!
If I had a bad day or I’m just venting, he’ll say, “You’ll be alright, Little Rockstar”.
Besides humor, my kids totally keep me sane and make me want to keep going.
OKAY, OKAY.
I’ve just been so busy, I haven’t had time to write – mostly because I’m trying to figure out and handle all these changes that are about to happen, and making sure everything is paid, taken care of, and good before my daughter graduates and we move.
Life is about to get crazy the next few months – more than it already has been – and I’m trusting God to handle it all with me.
That’s really all that’s been happening around here.
My little guy had the nurse call me from school today because he wanted medicine since he’s sick, and the nurse wanted to make sure it was okay to give him something, and my daughter called me from school because she forgot her glasses, so I had to run those up.
Besides changes and parenting – I have nothing big going on – then again – those are big, aren’t they?!
Oh wait – wait – wait…..
I tried dating.
Yes, I did.
After such a long time – I tried to dip my toes into the dating pool again, and it sucked.
I met a guy I actually loved talking to, and he was constantly messaging me, and he was great at communicating – however – he was only 28. I’m 43. He said he didn’t care about my age, and that his last girlfriend was 41. I told him I have kids, and with him not having kids – I didn’t want him to feel burdened by mine if he ever met them, especially because my son is 23, so he’s only a few years older than my oldest son. He’s only 2 years older than what my oldest kiddo would have been if she was still alive. So, I felt awkward. He – didn’t care about any of that age stuff, or the fact that I have kids.
He was fine with all of it.
He then said he works, but that he does live with his parents.
I think that’s another thing that bothered me. Him still living with his parents, which means if I ever wanted to go to his place – there’s really no privacy, and I asked if his parents would be okay with him bringing home a 43-year-old that has kids. He said his parents would just be happy he met someone, and they’re happy – if he’s happy. He said they met his ex-girlfriend, and they didn’t care that she was 41. He said his mom and dad got along great with her, and she had kids as well, so no – they wouldn’t mind me or my kids.
I still felt awkward.
I tried so hard to continue to talk to him, but my older son and I were talking about it, and I was surprised when my older son heard his age and told me, “So what? If he’s a good guy – what’s the worst that can happen? You have yourself a good boyfriend? OH NO!”. Yes, my son was being sarcastic, and he really didn’t care that this guy was only 28 – as long as I was finally happy with someone.
When I told him that this guy still lives with his parents, that was the deal-breaker for my son.
He said that’s a different story, and then he had me laughing when he said he’s 23 – and one thing he doesn’t want – is to be 28 and still living at home with me. My son always says if he’s not out by 25, I need to kick him out. ha.
So, eventually – I decided to part ways with this guy I was talking to, and I will say that he may have been a great guy – (I didn’t stick around to find out) – but if he was 28 and living alone – I may have felt better. I would have totally felt better if he was in his 30’s. I can do 30’s, but 28 was a little weird for me, and him living with his parents at 28 – even more so. I think it’s just the fact that I’m older and living alone with my kids, so I want someone who has their own place as well.
Let me say that there is nothing wrong with living with your parents still at any age because so many people need to go back home. This economy isn’t built for one income and trust me – I know that first-hand, so while I was understanding about him living at home still, he also didn’t seem to have any plans to get out on his own any time soon – which I think is what really bothered me – as well as the age thing.
He didn’t seem motivated to get out.
Not to mention that he had no kids, and I didn’t want him to feel tied down to mine. I think it would have been different if maybe he had a kid or two because then he knows how parenting goes. What really did it for me – was the fact that I mentioned one night that I was out having dinner with friends, and that I planned to have a drink or two when I got home (just a glass of wine) – and he asked why I was having a drink on a Tuesday night – BEFORE BED – like he was monitoring me.
I just felt like it wasn’t a good match, I wished him well, and I hope he finds his person.
Maybe I’m the problem.
Maybe I’m picky. Maybe I should have looked past all of that and gave him a chance? Idk.
Anyway – if you’re still here reading this, much love to you and pray that all the decisions and all the changes in the next few months – will go perfect for me and my little family. 💕
I want my mom.
I want to call her and ask her advice. Tell her everything on my mind. Have her tell me, “Everything will be okay”.
*Insert scream here*
This is the part of trusting God that nobody talks about.
I grabbed pizza for the kids before I came home, and I planned to get a bottle of wine for myself, but I actually skipped that.
The kids ate and my sons were in bed early, so they knocked out and I didn’t even wake them up for the ball drop, or anything. I let them sleep, because as long as they were warm, safe and peaceful – if they wanted to bring in the NEW YEAR with snores – I was all good with that. 😁 My daughter and I stayed up the whole time watching the NEW YORK events, performers, people, and then what we thought – was going to be the ball drop.
Anyone else disappointed we didn’t get to see that?
After the countdown – the view went to the crowd and confetti.
I think many people have mentioned something about not seeing it, and how odd that was.
Either way – we then watched the little bit of LIVE streaming Chicago had going on for their first ever ball drop, and we were disappointed to know that while (Chance the Rapper) was hosting it and performing a bit, he wasn’t seen much from what people in Chi-town are saying. Still, I heard the fireworks were beautiful and the city was peaceful that night. ❤️
I heard a few other music artists were down there as well. The ones who are from Chi.
Many years back – Chance the Rapper – donated a good amount of money to some Chicago area schools, and one of them – was my older daughter’s school – (Benito Juarez Community academy HS) – in Chicago’s Pilsen neighborhood. My older daughter still went there at the time, so she was so excited to tell people that her school was one of them on the list.
I’ll always have love for Chance – and any other rapper / artist who decides to give back to their cities that they came from.
Once we watched the celebrations in NY and Chicago, and they were over – Kailani and I wished each other a Happy New Year, and we both went to our rooms and knocked out.
No selfies that night. No loud music. No wine.
Just living in the moment and relaxing.
She did have to make it known – as soon as the New Year hit – that she will be “graduating this year”, and She will be turning 18. I’m a little sad about that, but we’ll deal with that when those two major events roll around.
So…..
Did you make any resolutions for 2026?
Let me share some of mine.
Weight loss:
I’ve been on this journey for years now, and I keep messing it up.
This year, it has to be taken seriously because I’ll be 44, and my kids need me to stick around a lot longer.
I’m not young anymore, and if I want to be there for them for many more years, this is one way to guarantee it.
When I lived in Chicago and then moved to Minnesota, I was slim. I was active. I enjoyed working out and being on the move all the time.
When my oldest child was taken from this earth, that’s when things got bad. Really bad.
I stopped working out. I wasn’t active for a long time, because I just wanted to be in bed all day.
I would shower, go to work, and do nothing after.
I wasn’t eating right. I was drinking. I was depressed, angry, confused, and had so many questions that I’d never get the answers to. Things got bad for years, and I just didn’t care, so instead of cooking homemade meals like I used to and doing things outdoors, or going places – I’d pick up fast food, eat, and go to sleep.
I’d take care of my kids of course. Took them to school, helped with homework, made sure they ate meals, made sure laundry was done and the house was clean all the time, but – other than what I had to do – there was no working out, or taking care of “being fit” because my oldest was gone. I didn’t have a will to live, or to care about me. So, I gained weight, and kept gaining because I wasn’t active anymore, and I was eating whatever, drinking whatever. Sleeping for hours.
In 2025 – I promised myself it’s time to get back to the old me. The me who worked out. Who was active. Who didn’t even have time to eat because I was making so much money and had dreams / goals, and ambitions.
2025 – just helped me heal a little more, and to finally accept that my oldest was gone, and I’ll never get those answers I felt like I needed. That I wanted. That I struggled so hard to get from whatever happened that night she was killed. 2025 – I knew I needed to get back on my “A-GAME” and get my money right – get my fitness back together – and make sure I was taking care of me as well – because I have kids, and you can’t pour from an empty glass, right?
I was drained for years. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically.
2025 – taught me that I’ve been down and out for too long, and it was time to get my ass back to God, and to get back on my feet after years of struggling with depression, anger, and a pain no parent should ever have to go through.
2026 – THIS YEAR – This is for me. This comeback is personal. This year – I’m doing everything I plan to do, and that includes getting fit again. Eating better. Thinking better. Living better.
Okay, so we have an event tomorrow and my kids made me promise them McDonald’s after. 🤣
And – we still have leftover Christmas cookies. So, I promised myself that on the 4th – I was going to plug in the treadmill that usually holds clean clothes that need to be hung up when they come out of the dryer – and I am going to get my ass on there every day – maybe twice a day.
I said I was going to go for more walks, drink more water, and eat right this year.
I’m going to 100% get out of this funk I’ve been in for years now and get back to the me that I was when I lived in Chicago, and when I first moved here.
I do need to lose this weight I gained over the years, and while some people will look at me and tell me I’m crazy or there’s not much to lose, I can see it and feel it, and I want it gone. So, that’s a goal I plan to accomplish this year. To at least – get back down to what I was when I packed up my life in IL. and moved to MN.
For anyone trying to do the same – let me also say that while it’s NOT easy trying to eat right, exercise and lose weight – cheat days are okay, as long as you only have ONE of them here and there, and it’s okay to NOT exercise everyday – as long as when the next day comes – you get up and go at it again. 😊
Moving to civilization:
Another 2026 New Years resolution I have – is to move my kids and I – closer to civilization.
The little town we live in is dead. I mean – dead. dead.
We don’t have much around here, and everything is usually closed down by 8 PM or earlier.
Everyone is in each other’s business. If you do something, people are going to know before you blink an eye.
Gossip travels fast.
Everyone knows everyone or is related to everyone.
Last names matter here.
This little town is boring and there’s not much to do, unless you want to drive miles and miles away, hours and hours away, and have to travel back home again.
In the nearest bigger “town” – we have two or five of everything.
There’s no variety of anything here.
We have two McDonald’s. Two Burger Kings. Three Starbucks. FOUR Caribou coffees, and a bunch of random pizza places all within 5-10 minutes of each other. We have a bunch of banks, and car washes, but nothing really for kids to do.
No real stores. We have everything on repeat, and our mall is just as dead as these towns.
In Chicago, there were so many good food places, and a huge variety of cultural choices.
In Chicago, there are tons of stores upon stores of different kinds, and they’re all so close together and you don’t have to travel miles or hours to find something for the kids to do. There are tons of places for kids to go in IL.
I thought I wanted the country life – until I got it – and was hit with the reality of it. ha.
Now – I know why people leave small country towns for bigger cities.
So, in the next two months – I plan to buy a bunch of bins, pack up everything we don’t use right now or need out, and put them in these bins. I plan to stack them up in a corner somewhere and get rid of things we don’t want to keep or need. I plan to have the kids do the same in their bedrooms and get rid of what they don’t need or want, pack up things they’re taking with us when we move, and get everything ready.
In April – I plan to start looking for work near a place in Wisconsin – closer to IL. or – in a suburb near my aunt and uncles in IL. because I love it there, and drop the money on a place, so when my youngest daughter graduates, there’s a moving truck in the parking lot and we already have a place to move to.
We are so ready to get out of here and get back to a variety of food places – (although I don’t need that while trying to hit my weight loss goal), a variety of stores, and things to do. We’re ready to get back to being closer to friends and family. We’re so ready to get back to places being open late, or 24 hours in some spots. We’re so ready to be where there’s better job opportunities, and more money.
We’re just ready to go.
So – this month and next – are going to be filled with packing and cleaning up the apartment we’re in now, and April – will be the month of searching for a place and dropping money on it – so when May comes, we’re starting over – somewhere else, and leaving 6 long years in Minnesota – in the dust.
I think the first year of this place was our happiest, and after that – we wondered what the hell we got ourselves into moving to this small town. Yes, it’s safe. Yes, it’s quiet. Yes, I love hearing the cows next door “moo” when I open the windows and they’re out. Yes, I love hearing the gunshots when it’s hunting season, but – I’m just ready to be around the familiar places, people, and things I grew up with back home.
No, I don’t want to move directly into Chicago, but yes, it will be nice to be at least an hour from family and friends – and not almost 10 hours.
So, that’s a resolution of mine this year.
Getting the hell out of dodge and going back towards who and what we know.
Career:
There are no career opportunities where we are now, and one of my biggest New Years resolutions – is to be offered a job as a probation officer. It’s been a dream of mine since I was 15 and I had a probation officer – which is a story for another time.
Since then – I’ve always thought it’d be pretty cool to become one and help other juveniles change their lives – like she helped me. Like many people just like her – including a few cops I met along the way – helped me.
Oddly enough, they don’t need probation officers in our little area – even though there are plenty of kids who are in need of one, but we only have a few.
I was so excited the beginning of this year when I was still in school for my BA degree in Criminal Justice, and I applied for and was offered an internship for probation, but – because my school and the county needed to create a contract for me to do this, and it took forever – I was graduating before I ever got to do the internship. I was literally a few weeks away from graduation when a contract was finally set, but by then – it was too late because the internship would go towards my credits and I already had those.
I was bummed, but hopefully – knowing there’s so many career opportunities in bigger cities I’ve been looking into moving to – maybe it will finally happen for me.
If not, at least there’s more opportunities for other positions in the field I went to school for.
I love the job I have now – dealing with those who were once homeless, who are alcoholics, drug addicts, have mental health issues, etc. but – it’s not my dream career and the pay sucks. I do it because I love it, and I love the people, but it’s not forever.
Stepping into my dream career for 2026 – is a goal of mine.
Debts:
This year is going to be the year that I will work two or three jobs if I have to – or pick up a side hustle – to get myself debt – free. I don’t have a lot of debt, but I do plan to pay off my car and trade it in this year to treat myself to a little graduation gift – since I completed both degrees over the last 4 years and haven’t done anything nice for myself to celebrate both degrees.
This year is going to be the year that I work my ass off and pay off whatever I need to – to make sure that my only debt – is my new SUV if I get one, a mortgage if I’m able to drop some money on a house this year or next, and my basic bills. I don’t think that’s too much to set as a goal, is it?! This year is the year that I don’t want to worry about any finances, and I just want to live my best life with my kids.
This is the year that I want to do more traveling, see more places, and do more things with them.
This is the year I want to say, “Yes – I have extra money. Let’s go out this weekend!” and really mean it!
I want all my debts cleared, and I don’t want to worry about anything this year, except what the kids and I are doing on my days off.
God:
A good friend of mine and I were talking a while back and we both decided to start reading the BIBLE more this year. To really study it and write down our favorite quotes and scriptures, stories, lessons, etc. and not just read it – but REALLY read it and focus on it. We plan to talk about it, share our thoughts with each other, and make it our “go-to” when life is kicking our asses.
We both said our souls are a mess and we need to get right with God. lol.
We found it hilarious yesterday when I left her a message saying, “Get your Bible ready. This is our year. We said we were going to do this”, and I told her what I plan to do, and without listening to my message – she sent me almost the same thing, so we took it as a sign that God is up there like, “Let’s go girls! It’s time!”. haha.
I feel like this year, I need to trust God more and stop trying to run everything.
These are just some of my goals for the year. Some of my New Years reslutions.
What are yours?
If you want to hear a funny story about God – let me share this with you before I get out of here. 😁
On Christmas Eve, my son got paid and asked if he could use my car to do some last-minute shopping and run a few places. I let him, but because my car needs work – I told him not to go far.
He was headed to the nearest bigger city 30 minutes away, and I got a phone call from my daughter. She went with him.
I answered and I heard a police officer loud and clear in the background but couldn’t hear what he was saying or what was going on. My heart dropped!
You know my oldest was killed in a car accident, and now my other two children just took my car – and I get a call and just hear the cop talking. Finally, I heard my son say, “Is mom on the phone?”. My daughter said yeah, and she said, “Hello?”. I kept saying hello before she said her first hello, and I was so relieved to hear both of their voices. I asked her what was going on. She said she had me on speaker, and that they got pulled over.
I was so grateful it was just that and that they didn’t get into an accident or hit a deer.
I was so grateful they were both okay.
The officer got on the phone and said the reason he pulled my son over – was because the tabs were expired.
I told him the car has been giving issues, so I try not to drive it a lot, but I just ordered the new tabs online and that I have the insurance on my phone if he wanted me to send proof to my daughter, so she could show him. He said that would be great, so I did.
He gave my son a warning about driving without the new tabs and the insurance card on him, and he let them go.
My son came back home, and they told me that the officer told him that I also have to take the cross I have – off my rearview mirror. He said it’s an “obstruction to view”. It’s a small cross that says, “For he will command his angels to guard you in all your ways”.
I told Frankie it’s not coming down.
Frankie (my older son) asked if I was seriously going to leave it up. I sure am!
He asked what I was going to do if that same cop stops me next time and tells me the same thing.
Me to said cop if it happens: “That battle is between you and God when you get up there, but it’s not going anywhere. I’ll take the ticket, but don’t cry when you have to answer to that man up there when you meet him”. 😁
I had my kids laughing, but I thought it was funny.
Good Lord, I’m just glad they are okay because I panicked that day.
I have to get out of here and get ready to start my day, but you all have a beautiful weekend…
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