So, I have a confession to make, and I’m a little embarrassed by it.

However – we grew through tough times and make mistakes – that teach us valuable lessons in life, right?

One of our lead staff members was demoted a month ago, and she ended up finding a new job, so her position was available.

She cleaned out her office, and she was on her way to her new job.

That means – her position was open, and anyone could apply.

I’m not sure who else did, but I know I did. I interviewed for it a few weeks ago.

My co-worker (who has only been there for three weeks) interviewed for it, and so did another co-worker at the last minute. The other co-worker was too young, so they didn’t think she’d be a good fit.

Other than those other two, I don’t know if there was anyone else who tried to get it, but my boss kept telling me she hasn’t decided yet and would let us know soon.

I got a call last week from the boss and she was beating around the bush, making small talk, and so slow about just telling me, “Hey, you didn’t get it”. She eventually got there, and she told me that I was such a strong candidate, and that – if any other lead staff position opened up – she’d let me know first.

She felt bad, but I told her it was totally fine, thanked her for calling and handled it with grace. I wasn’t mat at her, and while I was a little disappointed because the pay is better, and I could make my own hours – as well as having my own office to decorate – (which I’ve always wanted), I decided maybe there was something better out there for me.

I felt like she found someone more experienced – who qualified more than I did, and I was okay with that.

However, I then found out it was the co-worker who has only been there for three weeks – that got the lead staff position. That was promoted for that spot. That got the office I was so ready to take and decorate. That was about to do the job I was looking forward to learning and getting into.

The fact that she hasn’t even been there for that long bothered me, and I’ve been working my ass off for this facility, coming in when others can’t sometimes, and proving myself to my boss. Everyone there loves me, and I love everyone there. I get along with everyone, and this woman who just got there three weeks ago – gets promoted and gets to join lead staff! Um, excuse me……but what?!

Not only was I confused when I found out she got it, but then I was hearing from different people that it’s favoritism and what some told me was called (Nepotism). The act of favoring friends and family in professional, political, or business settings – rather than merit or those who deserve what those family and friends get.

Rumor had it that this woman who got the position – is a family member of my boss’s ex-husband. Of course, that didn’t sit well with me, but it made sense as to why she would get the position.

Still, it bothered me.

I congratulated her when I saw her. I tried to be happy for her and tell her I think she’d do well. I tried not to let it bother me in front of her.

Yesterday, I came into work, and she wasn’t supposed to be there. I walked in and she says, “There you are!”. Supposedly, she thought she had to work until 9 AM because someone told her I didn’t get in until 9 AM on weekdays. I told her that’s only on Fridays. I usually come in at 7 AM, and she decided to say since she’s punched in already, she may as well go check out her new office while she has the chance.

I’m sure she was trying to rub it in my face, and she knew I was looking to get that position, so I just kind of gave her a:

kind of look – smiled, and told her, “Sounds good!”.

I giggled when one of our other lead staff members whispered to me, “She’s not even supposed to be here or clocked in right now! Now, she’s checking out her office?”.

I wondered if she came in while I was working – just to do exactly what I felt like she was doing.

Throwing it my face.

She said 3 more times as she did random things around the main office – how she was going to check out her office. Okay, so go! Why do you keep mentioning it?! I didn’t say that though, but I did find it wild how she had to keep announcing it – like she was expecting a celebration or something.

I found it really hard yesterday to be happy for her, and I felt bad about it – but then again – I didn’t. I wanted to know what skills – what degrees – what knowledge she had – over me and why she was chosen instead of myself.

When I found out from her – that she’s a two-time felon, has court dates still coming up, is on years of probation for her Criminal activities, and has no degrees – my mind was so boggled. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Seriously – why – did my boss pick her over me?

I’m the one with two degrees in Criminal justice and no criminal history.

So, I felt some kind of way while I was sitting in the main office and trying to let it go.

Not to mention that as she was decorating her office or doing whatever she was doing on the other side of the building where it is – she kept going back and forth – walking in and out of – and through the main office where I was. There was no reason for it because all lead staff usually goes around the main office to get to either side, so her walking through it – irritated me a bit as she kept doing it, and then – doing my job for me as I was sitting there as well.

She kept reaching over me, going around me, and dealing with things I was supposed to be dealing with.

Do you want to decorate and check out your new office that you’ve mentioned multiple times now, or do you want to do my job and be in the main office – because you can’t do both!

Let me be fair and say that I woke up emotional yesterday because it was rainy, gloomy and cold outside, and my first thought when I woke up – was my oldest child who passed. Pain comes in waves, right? Yesterday, the waves came with the rain and it just hit me out of nowhere, so I cried a bit in the morning, and didn’t even want to go to work, but I knew I needed the money, and I dragged my ass out of bed – to the shower, back to the room to get dressed, to my car, and into work anyway.

Feeling emotional about my oldest and then dealing with this co-worker at work who I then find out has a criminal background, and all this other stuff going on, but got the job instead of me – it was a lot that early in the morning.

I made myself a cup of coffee, tried to ignore whatever she was doing or saying, and I tried to go on with my day as normal, but as I was sitting there talking to one of the residents who I’m so cool with – we were talking about if I got the job or not.

He knew I applied. I told him no, and I told him I didn’t know why, but we discussed the situation, and just like I’m always there for the residents in the facility I work in – I tried to do the same thing yesterday, but he ended up being there for me instead – as tears fell from my eyes.

You know those times you really want to cry, and you try so hard to hold it in, but they just do their own thing sometimes and flow? That’s what happened! As much as I tried to hold them in, they fell and I grabbed a tissue and quickly wiped my eyes.

I’ll call this guy “Paco”. Paco and I sat there talking for almost an hour and he kept telling me how wrong it was that I didn’t get it, especially because all the residents know that while many of the lead staff and others come to work for the money, there are three main people who go above and beyond and show that they really give a damn about the residents. Me, My son, and the nurse there.

He then told me, “Listen. I know how you’re feeling, but I just want you to know how proud I am of you right now. You didn’t get the position. Someone who shouldn’t have got it – got it – and you’re still here. You’re still standing. You’re still trying to be positive and show us so much love, and do your thing while you’re here, and I guarantee you – God has a plan!”.

He was telling me that there’s a high turnover rate in that place, and the way the place treats their best employees – is why they can’t keep their best employees. I told him I was hurt, angry, and that I love the residents so much, that I want to stay, but – there’s just some things that go on there that I don’t agree with, and this might have just pushed me over the edge to find something better.

He agreed with me and told me how he feels about that place, and how every time he tries to say something about whatever goes on there – they threaten to kick him out. He then told me he wouldn’t blame me if I left, but that he’d miss me and he would hope I left for something so much better because I deserve it, and I deserved that position.

I think what really got to me yesterday – was feeling like my college degrees and me having a clean background – meant nothing at that moment, and I needed to know why. Like all the hard work I’ve done in school for four years to earn my degrees and then working my ass off in this facility for a long time now – meant nothing, and it killed me knowing she has felonies, and only 3 weeks at the job – and she got it.

I’m just being totally vulnerable and honest right now.

I was not okay yesterday morning – emotionally or mentally – over not only my oldest – but over this situation as well, and it didn’t sit right with me.

Residents weren’t happy I didn’t get it.

One of our other lead staff was bothered I didn’t get it.

I just felt betrayed.

So, I eventually asked my boss if I could talk to her, and we went into her office.

I asked why it was given to this co-worker and how I felt about it because of her background and her time at the job, and my boss looked at me and asked if I wanted an honest answer, or what. Of course!

Did I get any real answers? No.

Instead, she sugar-coated it and told me that the rumors about the woman being related to her ex-husband are not true and she never saw her a day in her life – until she came to the job to apply. The face on other staff members faces when I said she denied knowing the woman – was hilarious, but it told me everything I think I know.

She then went on to say that she doesn’t think it’s the right role for me, and she sees me doing something so much higher, better – and that because I have my degrees and no criminal background – she “envisions” something else for me.

She stated that things are always changing at the company, so she wants to consider me for something in a higher-up position. She told me that one of the women who runs the buildings in different areas (there’s multiple) applied for a few different positions and was turned down, before she was finally offered a seat on one of the highest levels there is, and now she’s doing amazing and runs things.
Not to get discouraged.

She went on and on and tried to make me feel better, but I wasn’t okay with her answers, because she still wasn’t telling me what qualifications this other woman had – that would make her more qualified than myself.

And – as a boss – I guess she felt like she didn’t have to.

Do I believe they don’t know each other? No.

Still, I couldn’t do anything about it, so I simply told my boss I wasn’t feeling it yesterday, I was going home, and I asked her to be okay with that, and she was. She totally supported my decision to not be at work yesterday, and she had this co-worker of mine who was supposed to be busy checking out her office but kept walking through the main office – sit in the main office when I left, and this co-worker of mine – was not happy about it.

I did leave. I did take the day off yesterday, and I got my mind right, and pulled myself together.

I thanked Paco – one of our best residents there – for letting me have my bad day, and for talking me through it.

I thank my son – because sometimes – we’re each other’s voice of reason, and yesterday – he was mine.

He knew what happened and he told me:

“Mom, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise you didn’t get it. It seems like anything the boss doesn’t want to deal with – it goes to that side, and maybe our boss didn’t want you to have to take on that load. Maybe she knows the position is stressful, exhausting, and comes with a hell of a lot of responsibilities, and she didn’t want to give that all to you!”.

He said:

“Maybe she does have something else better and bigger in mind for you. Maybe someone is leaving and we don’t know about it yet, and she plans to put you in that position. Maybe there’s a reason you didn’t get this position and there’s something else out there for you that is going to pop up.

The universe knows what it’s doing, and you have to trust it. Look how stressed out and irritated our last Resident advocate was, and how she was more than happy to find something else, so you don’t think ol’ girl is going to be stressed out? Plus, she has to pick up all the days that someone can’t come in, and eventually – she’s going to be stressed out about that – and get tired of it! Take it as a blessing!”.

My kid made me smile the way he was trying to make me feel better and be that voice of reason.

Knowing I wasn’t going to get any real answers from my boss, I just left and made sure she was okay with me taking the day off. My son was using my car, so he came to pick me up when I called him, and we went to Starbucks – because I deserved it. ha.

I still felt like a big baby yesterday after I left.

I still felt like I was a “hater” yesterday, and I hate haters, so to feel like I was one yesterday – bothers me now, but I think I had every right to feel the way I did. No matter what.

And then – when I came home and really thought about it, I felt like maybe our boss put her in that position to help her. She’s on probation and she has court dates, so maybe our boss felt like it would look good in court coming up – if she got this promotion and she’s doing something as a lead staff member. My boss did say she believes in 2nd changes, and helping other people, so maybe that was her reason for giving it to her.

I’d like to think my boss knows my two degrees and no criminal history – is going to get me further than that position I wanted, but she knows that this woman needed all the help she could get, and helped her do anything to show the courts she’s on the right track, and if that’s the case – then I’m okay with it.

Everyone keeps saying this job is already going to this woman’s head, and that’s the one thing I can’t deal with. If you’re in a position of power – stay humble, because it could all be taken away so fast. Never think you’re above anyone, and as long as she stays humble, I have nothing else to say.

Do I feel like it should have been me? Yes.

But – maybe God knew she needed it more than I did.

I will also say that she could easily be bothered that I have two criminal justice degrees, and plan to become a probation officer if God allows it. She was going to school to become a probation officer before the felonies, and now – she has to do something different with her life, so maybe God knew I didn’t need the position because I have a wider range of career options, and she’s limited.

I trust God, and I don’t know fully why I wasn’t given it, but I do know I acted out of character yesterday, I’m truly sorry for it, and now – I feel like getting her a cute decoration / gift for her new office. 😘I’m always uplifting other woman, so the fact that I was a hater yesterday, I do feel guilty about it, and the fact that I went to my boss – I am embarrassed, but I needed to know why and I needed to get my feelings off my chest.

It made me giggle when she said it shows maturity that I’m able to come and sit down – talk with her and be respectful at the same time.

I mean – what was I going to do?

Go in there, yell, threaten her, throw things?! lol.

You know what that reminds me of? 🤣 If you’ve never seen the hilarious movie “GIRLS TRIP” – with Tiffany Haddish, Regina Hall, Queen Latifah, and Jada Pinkett Smith – you must!

Tiffany Haddish goes into her boss’s office to talk about her snack someone keeps taking out of the break room fridge and her behavior about it, and her boss tries to let her go, but she won’t accept that.

I wasn’t going to go into my boss’s office and misbehave or get crazy, and she wasn’t letting me go.

In fact, she told me they love me there and she hopes I still want to stay.

And –

Thank you, Starbucks – for being there for me in my time of needing you yesterday. 🤣I’m addicted to those damn Dubai Chocolate bites they have.

Listen.

I love my boss. I have nothing bad to say about her – even now.

She’s easier to talk to. She’s there when I need to talk. She’s understanding.

Not many bosses would let me say, “I’m not feeling this today. I’m leaving” and be totally fine with it, but she also understood why.

So, she made her decision, and it is what it is.

I don’t know if this co-worker of mine will be able to handle this job humbly, or with grace – or at all – because she already seems stressed out, but – I’m over being a hater, and I wish her the best, and hope that she enjoys her office and her new position.

I am rooting for her changing her life and doing bigger and better things because I believe in 2nd chances as well, and I do hope she’s amazing at her new position.

Maybe there is something bigger and better out there for me, and maybe my boss did think I was too good for this position and deserve more, but I’m just going to suck it up, continue to do my best, and come through for my residents – the way they expect me to. 💕

As for all of you out there – if you wanted that promotion or job you didn’t get – if you didn’t get into the college you wanted to get into, if you didn’t get picked for a sports team, If you didn’t get to take that trip you wanted to take – or whatever disappoint life throws at you – take it a blessing and know that God has something better in mind, and I trust that.

**********************

Besides that little bit of setback at work – let me share some funnies with you because a lot of you like my work stories! 😁

I have another co-worker who can both work my nerves and make me giggle sometimes.

She works in a different area of the building, so when she sneaks her way into the main office and sits down to chat with me for the longest – while I’m trying to do 10 other things – I joke with her and demand her back to her own area. She laughs about it, totally ignores me and continues to work my nerves – playfully.

I was leaning back in my chair relaxing with nothing to do one day last week, and she snuck in and shook the back of the chair, yelling – “Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!”. It’s a scene from FINDING NEMO in case you don’t know, and I yelled out, “FISHY! WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING?”.

We both laughed so much.

It may not have been exactly like we said it, but we both knew the references we were talking about, and we both got each other’s references right away.

Another day last week – she, one of the lead staff that I’ll call “Delilah”, and I – were in the main office talking. We had a day where there were cops in and out for different situations going on, so with one of the situations – this one tall, beautiful man (a cop) – had to come into the building, and then as he stood in the hallway, us gals drooled over him. 🤣

Delilah said she wants to ask him what she can do to get arrested, so he has a reason to touch her.

And – she’s lead staff! (I love our crew).

I had to laugh so much and joked with her to leave MY man alone. I asked if she wanted to fight for him. She says, “Hell yeah! Let’s go outside!”. I was leaving anyway because my shift was over, so she and I walked outside together, right past the cop as he dealt with the situation, and when he was done – she and I were standing by the curb talking – minding our business and he left.

The next day – my co-worker who works in the different area and likes to sneak into the office to annoy me – comes into the office and tells me, “I want that hot cop to come back. I saw you try to rub against him as he was leaving!”. I laughed and told her, “Um – I was just standing there! He brushed up against me!”.

It’s very true.

That cop was leaving that day, and I don’t know if he did it on accident or purpose, but I felt the side of him lightly brush up against my back as I stood there talking to my co-worker – Delilah. 😁

Point is – I adore many of my co-workers and I absolutely love this job – besides yesterday’s minor issue.

I love the residents as well, as I’ve mentioned.

So, we have a guy I’ll call “OG”.

OG loves coming to see me when I’m working and he always makes me laugh.

We joke around often. He’s an older guy in his late 50’s / early 60’s I believe, and over the weekend – he came down to the main office and asked me to look up the last name of his visitor. I joked that he’s letting people in without knowing their last names, and he smiled this big cheesy smile.

He said he met her at the Casino the night before and brought her back there.

One side of our building can have visitors outside only, and the other side – can bring visitors inside and up to their mini-apartments and he did that. I looked up the visitor log and told him the last name, and he says, “Thanks! I don’t want to get any one confused!”. PLAYER! 🙄🤣 He’s hilarious though!

For my residents – for this job I love – for the co-workers I admire and get along with so well – for the help I give, and they know I’ll go above and beyond for any of them – I’m going to continue to smile, to show up, to be there do the best damn job I can – promotions or not.

So, I confess that I was a one-day hater, I’m over it, I feel guilty about it, and we all go through it when life hands us disappointments, but again – maybe she feels the same way about me having two degrees and being able to do the job she also wanted to do in the future (probation), if I do get there.

I think sometimes – we all have a bit of envy in us, and it’s our job to let it control us or control it, and I decided to control it, be happy for her, and just be there if she needs anything – because she does deserve a 2nd chance and this will look good for her in court and being on probation – so I wish her well.

That being said – I’m out of here. 💕

XOXO.

🤗Shel🤗